To worry if my poss sperm donor’s family has dementia?

[BippityBoppityBoo1]

Hi mumsnetters, would so love your input.

I am a solo mum by choice and very excited to be close to beginning treatment. I have found a donor I am keen on, because he is very like me, my age, and I like his reasons for donating. I’ve found a few recently I thought were pretty good, but most of my family are classical musicians and so is he — this was not a prerequisite for my search, but I would love this, because if I know my child has a high chance of being musical I feel I (and other family members) can help them more in life.

The only thing is, his maternal grandfather had early onset vascular dementia - in his 60s. This is a bit scary for me. My Nan had dementia and two of her siblings had early onset. I love my nan so much and was very involved in her care, but I know she didn’t want to get dementia, having seen her siblings have it. When she first found out she had it, she tried to lay down and die. I’m hoping myself not to inherit from MY dad’s side… do I risk giving this legacy to my child? And hope the musical legacy is the one they inherit?!

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.

If you fell in love with someone you wouldn’t think about illnesses unless liked to serious genetic disorders. You have a child. They are unique.
In the order of things that are likely to outlive you - so you wouldn’t necessarily know if they were more prone to certain diseases - you just love them all the same.

Sounds like they are at more risk of getting it from you!

The music thing is a seriously stupid reason for accepting the possibly increased risk of dementia but as a (presumably reasonably) intelligent woman you must know that?

I've heard that if someone gets dementia relatively young as opposed to their 80s and 90s, there's a genetic component to it. But it's all new as people never lived as long in the past as they do now.

er, why the hell would you take that risk when the pay off is something as vague as the tiny possibility your child will inherit his family’s interest in music

that’s the point. She isn’t in love with him, she could choose any donor without this health risk

I'd tred carefully. The interest in music could just be nurture over nature.
But with the dementia, I think this is a high risk factor as both sides of the family have the genetic disposition.

I don't think that vascular dementia is hereditary. Heart disease/high blood pressure that type of thing maybe, but not vascular dementia itself.

I would avoid the risk. My elderly sister is so afraid of dementia she gets herself checked out every six months. At least, as far as we know, no-one genetically close to us has had it but I hate to think how much more my sister would suffer if we had it on both sides of the family.

Then she can do that.

You can’t bank on anything , OP, dementia risk nor music talent. My family is musical and only one of my children has inherited any gift /interest, the other is almost tone deaf!

I strongly suspect by the time this baby is 60 years old we will have cures for most things like dementia.

Given that you've already got dementia coming down one family line, I'd pick another donor to reduce the risk. There will be others with musical ability/talent. You don't want to look at your baby every day and worry, and it sounds like this is important to you.

Dementia is a term for hundreds of different conditions caused by various genetic, environmental and lifestyle factors. Genetic links are more likely for very rare types of dementia, such as Huntington's Disease, but vascular dementia can be just as likely caused by lifestyle choices affecting your vascular health as genetic ones.

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Alzheimer’s disease is hereditary, but other types of dementia such as vascular are not.

My grandmother had vascular dementia. None of her siblings had it nor do her children (all now in their 70s and 80s).