To think why is it that mothers get the slack for childhood trauma

[Intothejeep]

Okay I didn't want to upset anyone but I have seen alot of threads on MN about crappy childhoods and pretty much most are about how their mothers neglected / abused them / didn't teach them life basics etc. There's hardly ever any mention of the father if there was a father in the picture.

As a mother myself it got me thinking, is it because it was usually the mother that was the main caregiver and so from that child's perspective when talking about their upbringing it will be the mother they will thinki of as the father was just "around" and not really involved in the actual upbringing. I hope I make sense!

Do you mean flack?

Because it’s just not expected of mothers is it? Fathers walk away from their kids all the time. Mothers though are supposed to be the forever loving, supportive, warm, homely figure.

You mean flack?

Yabu... Don't you know a mother's place is in the wrong.

(Eg:sahm/wohm)

Well, if it helps, my father is an abusive monster who tormented and bullied us physically and mentally.

My mum put me and my siblings first all the time and dedicated herself to doing everything she possibly could for us.

Yess typo 😂

I think it’s more that MN posters are female and I find generally women have more complicated relationships with their mothers. Maybe it would be the same for sons and dads, who knows.

I also find in a lot of cases (and it was true for me) the ‘abusive dads’ were lazy or selfish but not malicious. Whereas the mums were actively malicious and enjoyed being unkind to their (primarily) daughters.

My dad was an emotionally detached and disinterested alcoholic, but my mum was actively malicious and wished me harm, which was harder to come to terms with.

Ahh then it may be to do with a bigger ratio of close contact/higher expectations of a mother than a father.

Expectations of women are higher. In the past, they had the lion's share of raising children 'assigned' to them, whether they wanted it or not. Many still do. As a result, the repercussions for children of women being poor parents were and still are greater.

A good example is children with a parent in prison. Generally a child with a male parent in prison will be cared for by their mother. Children with a mother in prison will usually be in care or be cared for by family members, rather than their father. This is just one example of how women failing at parenting tends to hurt children more.