MIL & SIL

[Mumofgirls1990]

I have 10 week old twins and a 4 year old. I live away from my family but near my in laws.

As a bit of background I used to get on really well with my in laws. They have a daughter who has always been jealous of the fact I get on well with MIL. She caused some trouble a few years ago and unfortunately my relationship with my FIL and MIL has been strained but amicable since, certainly not close like we used to be. My SIL could not be happier about this.

We brought our twins home two months ago and have had very little help. MIL drops our eldest at nursery 1 or sometimes 2 days a week. It’s been really hard but we’ve managed.

SIL has a child and had another baby a month ago. They moved straight into MILs house when discharged from hospital and have not left yet. They have had every meal cooked for them, their washing done, help with night feeds and basically just been waited on hand and foot.

they have no plans to leave and yesterday FIL said they are staying for an ‘extended period’. I’m here wondering WTF is going on and why they are getting so much help with ONE baby when we’ve just battled through the newborn stage with TWO.

when MIL comes to my house she can see I run around like a blue arse fly looking after everyone, cleaning, cooking , hanging washing out etc, so I wonder why she thinks it’s ok to pander to her daughter and her partner. It could not be more obvious how different they treat us!!

weve communicated with them, they don’t see a problem. It’s really making me resent them all.

It's their daughter OP. You will have to see past it. They are emotionally tangled with her and are probably pissed off but unless they turf her out why would she want to be anywhere else?

Congratulations on the twins !

I can totally understand how you feel, & as a twin mum, I'd probably feel the same - hell, thinking back, my at-the-time MIL did feck all either.
I just don't see what you can actually do about it.. I'd kinda withdraw from them, but sadly you can't mke them help or show more interest.. :-(

Unfortunately, despite the fact that your DH is their son, it sounds like they think raising children is "women's work" and as SIL is their daughter, they can help with her "women's work" but not yours, as that would be your parents' job.
Misogyny at its finest.
But there's nothing you can do about it so don't compare as it'll make you really resentful about it and at the end of the day they're entitled to be unfair in who they help. But the flipside of that is so are you. Personally, I would remember that when they're older.

You never know exactly what's going behind closed doors.

because SIL is their daughter. They are helping their own daughter, they are not doing all that to help her husband. You can always move in with your parents if you want more help.

Your SIL and family will always be favoured over your DH and family. Whatever the circumstances.
IME.

Sod em! Honestly it’d make me want to move away, closer to my family but I’m a bit dramatic like that 😂 Maybe get your DH to lay it out for them very bluntly, if they don’t change then just keep them at arms length. How did your SIL cause drama?

I feel sorry for them, they are having their daughter and family living with them and being used for childcare/jobs around the house and now their daughter in law is moaning she is not getting the same treatment. It must be very tiring for them having to care for their adult child and grandchildren and then being expected to help others too.

I’d love to move back but come from a very rural area with very limited opportunities for our girls, I would still go but partner is completely against it.

it was 2020 during lockdown, basically SIL and partner could not keep away from her mams. I’m a nurse, from a family of nurses all looking after covid patients. Told all in laws they shouldn’t be going to each other’s houses/ having dinner parties etc during a lockdown and ive been the demon DIL ever since.

It’s simply cos it’s their daughter!

Did you ask them if you could move in with them so they could look after you, your children and do so for an extended period?

Your MIL is running around like a blue arsed fly - cooking, cleaning etc waiting hand and foot on 3 extra people who have taken over her living space. She is also helping out with dropping one of your dc at nursery.

What would you like MIL to do for you?

your SIL has moved in there with her partner, a child and the new baby? That’s quite unusual are there special circumstances with health/ mental health/ useless partner etc? Or is it just the daughter and baby there? If you didn’t ask to move in there I’m not sure you can complain too much. Expecting MIL to come to your house to help
is slightly different.

Old thread?