School sending child home no tights

[krj2608]

Aibu?

My daughter is 5. She has had a uti for around 2 weeks. She is on her second round of antibiotics. She was off school earlier in the week as she had been poorly with it.

She has wet herself at school twice this week. Both times she has come out in a dress with no socks or tights. I have provided a change of clothes and there were two pairs of tights in her bag. I asked her why she wasn't wearing them and she said she struggled to put them on and no teachers were there to help her. It was cold this afternoon and also with her being poorly earlier in the week, it's surely common sense.

I called the school and was told "They all change in the disabled toilet in the office and staff are there if they ask for help, your daughter needs to ask"
She is 5! She's very quiet and shy, and wouldn't ask for help. Surely an adult would pick up she has nothing on her legs and ask if she needs help.

I'm a teacher myself and wouldn't consider sending a child home without tights or socks. I would rather the school called me and asked me to bring tights.

If she had leggings and chose not to wear them then she couldn't have been that cold.

If she can't do her own tights then she needs to wear trousers or long socks

Lots of options such around not sending your dd to school in awkward clothing/tights she can't manage herself, or teach her to ask for help if she needs it, or accept it was a mild day and no harm done.

The very last resort would be expecting a busy teacher to notice on a mild day a pupil doesn't have tights on.

Practice role playing or get her used to trousers

Teachers,even busy ones , are not blind. It would be noticed,particularly this time of year. Especially if they were waiting outside the room and just had that one child to look at /notice.

However, that doesn't imply malice or lack of care. If OP mentions it , they'll just know next time to help the child or at least check with her if she needs help. It's not a big deal. Problem solved .

It's not about anyone being in the wrong. Not all children are able to ask for help for various reasons. OP has various options available to her, including asking the teacher for help on behalf of her DD.

It is precisely because of safeguarding that the teacher won't have helped her with her tights. In an ideal world there'd be two adults available but staffing ratios are so tight these days, she was lucky there was anyone available at all.

In the absence of special needs, she needs to come to school with clothes she can put on herself. We don't always have a second adult in reception classes, so children who wet themselves in those times need to either change themselves or we have to call a member of senior leadership, taking them away from their work for the length of time it takes. If she can wear trousers or leggings as her change of clothes, she should.

As for whether a reception teacher would notice - quite possibly not on a day like this. Other children would be bare legged today - it was 15 degrees and some children do run hot.

Thanks for the replies

Just ordered some more leggings to send in with her and to wear instead of tights (dreadful mother that I am ).

She's able to get the tights on, but they end up twisted. She tends to put them on in the morning and we sort out the twists. She's very independent has been able to dress herself (apart from sorting tights) since two.

It wouldn't normally bother me but the fact she has been poorly and the school are aware of the uti I just didn't expect her to come home like that.

@JennyJungle I will let my 5 year old daughter know she is wrong

If she isn't capable of putting tights on then you need to send something she is capable of - trousers or leggings.

As a few people have mentioned it being mild it's 12 degrees here today with a feels like temperature of 11 degrees

Can she not stay home until she is fully better?

@Harrysnippleno3

We thought she was better. She had a wee accident Wednesday. The teacher put this down to being outside at playtime and not making it in quick enough. The second time this week was this afternoon.

The teacher is likely making a point as they expect children to be able to dress and undress themselves. There’s no way I would have left her in that state but I know teachers who would have.

I wasn't meaning to sound critical, I actually meant going forward, but just realised it's Friday anyway so that's another couple of days and she will hopefully be back to her usual self by Monday.

@Harrysnippleno3 that's ok. We really did think she was feeling better. It's been a long two weeks of her being poorly.

You are not being unreasonable. She's five, she's shy,it's November and they staff have eyes. yes of course it's busy, I'm a teacher to do I know but someone should notice little bare legs and cover them up, as soon as she's wet herself preferably. Talk to the school about it

I would work on getting her to put on socks in this instance, she probably doesn't want help from her teacher because she's already embarrassed. (Teachers won't care she's had a accident, that doesn't mean she realises it's common).

I wore socks throughout my schooling because they were mean back in the 70's and 80's so it won't hurt her to just have socks - thankfully it's not cold yet anyway.

Tip for utis, often we found not enough water was the problem

The teacher doesn't need your DD to ask for help before she can give it. She must have noticed the lack of tights and made a decision not to offer her help.

Lots of five year olds would feel unable to ask for help if they weren't confident that they would receive a positive response.

Well if she's "very independent" would she have said she needed help if the teacher had asked her?

But as a pp has said this week hasn't been that cold and she has been indoors so she was probably OK and didn't think ahead that going home might be cold.

We go in (two of us) and help them get sorted if they have an accident. I would have got the stuff out of her bag for her and asked if she needed help to put her tights or leggings on.

Bless her.

I was thinking the same about it being 'cold' today. Unless you're not in the UK OP - but if you are it hasn't been cold anywhere today. The weather is unseasonably warm so I very much doubt your DD will have come to any harm. But you do need to find some practical clothing for her so she can manage to get herself dressed ie socks.

Why is it the first instinct to get resentful with the school or complain etc. Putting trousers on is a basic life skill your child should have been taught by now. If I know my child has an issue around putting her tights on, I send her in with the wide fit trousers. I don’t know, but being a teacher you cub understand how understaffed and difficult this job is day to day. While I do understand your frustration, I also can’t help but thinking many parents expect 1 to 1 nanny service. It’s not that. Meet them half way, be kind and proactive.

I am guessing that she went in to change but missed the tights. Teacher maybe thought she had spare pants but no tights. You need to work with her on how to ask for help.

That's nonsense 'this time of year' 😂 loads of kids arent wearing tights, lots of children simply don't like them and loads have socks scrunched round their ankles.
Children often don't feel the cold - you'd be amazed the number protesting putting a coat on in December and swearing blind they are warm enough going out to play without it on! Loads have bare legs!
They could well just have assumed her socks got wet and she'd none spare no harm will come to her from having no socks on for a short while 😂