To not be coping?

[sthonore]

I am sat outside work and I am exhausted and overwhelmed and can't bring myself to go in yet. My job is just untenable at the minute and Fridays are the absolute worst, I have two young children and a very sick parent and my brain feels like it's going to explode. I feel so stuck by my circumstances but I can't keep doing this. Am I being over dramatic to feel like this? Does everyone feel crap but just getting on with it?

Some people struggle through others end up needing to take sick leave, some people need anti-depressants to cope either with or without taking sick leave.

Do you have anyone able to provide you emotional support?

Not dramatic @sthonore but exhausted. Do you have a line manager or HR you can go to?

No, I don’t think you’re being over-dramatic - that’s an awful lot to cope with. Could you consider getting signed off for at least a couple of weeks by your GP?

It’s not dramatic if you’re at the end of your tether.
Can you take a sick day to regroup and think about what you need to do next?

I can totally relate and it sounds like you're facing burnout at the moment. Please be kind to yourself. Call in sick and rest. Have a think over the weekend about what you can do less of to lighten your load.

Do you have a partner to help you?

I think the first step is to go into work and say what you've just said here. It will be awkward and very vulnerable but it is the start of asking for help.

A supportive work and line manager would be amazing. Give you at least today at home and look at how thru can help you.

An unsupportive work will show that you're not their priority and so they shouldn't be yours and then get an urgent GP appointment and be vocal about how hard life is right now and you are not coping. Don't shy away from really saying how hard it is.

Either way, get some breathing space.

Can you speak to a good friend? Or even better a very bossy friend? The type that organises a dinner rota to be dropped off to a new mum. Can you ask them to talk thru practical ways to help

Or

Do you have a great friend who can give you emotional support but not try and fix everything just today?

Or

keep posting here and we can all do both

❤️

Big unmumsnetty hugs

YANBU at all.

Can you look for another job? Sometimes just making the decision to look for something else can feel like a relief. It helps relieve the emotional burden because you're already checked out.

Sorry to hear about your sick parent. I've just come out the other end of this and it's been the worst.

Take time for yourself where you can and be kind to yourself.

Thank you for all your supportive messages. I have a husband who is very good and is trying to support me whilst working full time too. I really struggle to ask for help, my job is one that I have to cope and be seen to be in charge - HR is available but I guess very remote from my work. I work in the NHS. I was shopping this week for Christmas and it is likely to be my mums last, I am so overwhelmed that I can't let myself feel this as I would fall apart

Get signed off sick for a bit before you have a complete breakdown.

Oh OP, I've been in that situation too and it's so awful. Buying presents was like torture. Just know you're not alone and others have been where you are. Sending you love and strength.

I agree with this. Take some time out, you can’t pour from an empty cup xx

I know you're all right and it is what I would say to someone else but I just can't do it when it's myself. I feel like I am just being pathetic - we're all in the shit at the minute so why should I pamper myself with time off which will make everyone else's lives so much more difficult. Today I am basically it for my service and it would be a nightmare if I was off sick.

I broke down to my husband yesterday and I know he loves me and is very practical with his help but I can see he is scared and not sure what to do.

I second this. I did this and don't regret a second, I spent every minute I could with my mum.

I had a similar thing a few years back . I went to my GP and got a sick note which said I could work reduced hours and to move some of my responsibilities over . It meant I could keep working and earning but the shorter day gave me time to breath and quietly tidy my house or bath and wash my hair before collecting my kids . The ultimate result was that I coped and got through it . You can go off sick all together but then returning to work afterwards can be stressful and intimidating. You may benefit from trimmed days instead like I did . Either way speak to a doctor , before you get really unwell .

Oh this is good advice and I’ve done similar. If you don’t feel you can take a complete break, try and carve out some breathing space. I wish I’d done this sooner as I think it would have prevented the eventual meltdown that then took longer to recover from.

OP, I could have written your post. I vividly remember sitting in my car outside work, willing myself to go in but I just couldn't get out of the car and everytime I tried I started shaking and then the tears came. What I should have done is call in sick and drive home. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I am almost certain that if I'd done that, if I'd taken a few days, maybe a week to rest, to gather my thoughts and properly take care of myself then I would have been ok. Not wonderful, but ok. Instead I eventually forced myself to get out of the car and go into work. I ignored all the warning signs my body and brain were giving me and kept going. Because that's what you do, isn't it? A few weeks later I ended up having a full on breakdown, I will spare you all the gory details but it wasn't pretty. I was off work for three months, and after that needed a very gradual phased return.

I am well now, thankfully, but I have had to accept that my life has changed. I cannot do what I did before, I cannot run myself ragged trying to be all things to all people because if I do the wheels will come off again. I have had to change the habit of a lifetime and develop firm boundaries. I have to prioritise sleep and self care, I have had to learn to say 'no' sometimes even if it upsets people, because I cannot and will not do that to my family again.

I'm not trying to scare you. But please don't do what I did. Listen to your body, listen to your mind and accept that you can only "keep going" for so long, until you can't.

Thank you everyone and I'm so sorry for those who have felt the same or worse. @neverbeenskiing I know you are right. I have obviously dragged myself in and to the outside world I look absolutely fine, on top of it all, helpful and reliable as always. I can't reconcile how I am feeling with my own perception of me as 100% together

Something needs to change. Get signed off and then figure out how you can make real changes in your life to cope. You're not being dramatic, that sounds very hard.