I just feel like leaving as feel disrespected

[ReallyReallyUpsetMum]

I am sitting here, tired and dejected. I just feel dumb and like leaving my household. Not sure if it is hormonal or I am justified.

I've poured every ounce of my being into my family, my DH and DC. My DH works away a lot, and I have zero help from any family. Take for example the past 2 weeks. My DH has been away and I have had to do everything; I work, I've got an hours commute, walk the dog, take and pick up DC from school as we live rurally, take them to their after school stuff, cook, clean the house and ferry them round at the weekend to their friends and girlfriends.

I'm knackered.

So, the other night my eldest told me to FO when I asked him where he was going and who he was going with.

Last night my other teen didn't speak to me the whole journey home as he was in a mood and told me to turn off the radio and bit my head off twice.

So, last night I refused to make dinner, so they made it themselves and this morning we are leaving in 5 mins for school, except they are not up, because I didn't wake them and make their breakfast.

I'm just tired and had enough. I really love my DC, but right now I feel massively disrespected. Also, it's funny because other people (school, other parents, GP's) think I have lovely DC who do really well at school and have impeccable manners. They do, just not to me. Basically I am just their scivvy who they blame when something is not washed, ironed, when there is "no food", or they want a lift somewhere.

Feeling bad that they are both in bed and we should now be leaving.

You need to have a serious chat with your children, they are old enough to know better than this - and no ferrying this weekend, if they are old enough to be left alone in the house, take yourself out this weekend, before they get up - take yourself for some breakfast, or a coffee and a mooch around the shops. If you're not there you can't cave can you.

When my nearly teen starts to give me grief I'm very assertive and I don't back down- ever. I tell them I give a lot but I expect a lot.

I lay out what's going to happen if attitudes or xyz behaviour continues, such as cancelling treats they have coming up. Immediate consequences are phones being taken away, grounding, I'm in charge and I lay down the law.

I'm often not always liked but I give respect, I work hard for them and they act respectfully.

I am constantly communicating with my partner and he does the same even if he's doing long hours. Issues are addressed head on.

We have family meetings, we MAKE them all go to church too. They hated it at first but I want them to know that life isn't about playing and having fun all the time. They now sit there nicely but it took some time. I'm not a religious person but I like the idea of them reflecting and thinking about others. Not everyone will agree with this and that's ok.

If I don't like a behaviour (and I'm big on this) it gets sorted out sharp. It isn't left to simmer.

I'm tired too. I know what you mean. Be a little demanding yourself. Voice up what you want, don't get lost chasing around after them. Letting them sort themselves out (so they realise what and how much mum does) isn't a bad thing and you've already started to do that. You are not their personal slave (I've said this myself).

I forgot to say we make a point of having ME time set out. Husband goes to the gym when he can, I exercise when I can. We all need space. Each child has their own treat day. It would be a "son or daughter day" every 6 weeks on rotation. They get to plan it with a small budget and it's stuck to. They get the whole day of extra attention, one adult looks after other two and the other adult will be sorting out said child on their ME day. So between all the discipline there's still fun. It's always worked for us. Plus we try to talk and listen to them and each other as much as we can. Marriage and parenting is very hard, a joy but hard.

I think you are doing too much for them OP.

My DCs are 11 and 7. They both help with cooking, dishwasher, putting away their laundry etc. Not sure why you are putting away a teenagers laundry for them and making them breakfast usually.... why don't they do this for themselves?

This.

You're not a slave. Part of growing up is being responsible for their own clean washing. I can't believe you do this on top of everything.

Give them some tasks. Teach them that respect is 2 way and they won't get if they dont give.

No it’s not a joke but the OPs hands are largely tied imv.
so you don’t drive them to school - they have a couple of days in bed and risk jeopardising exams
so you tell them you aren’t cooking for them - kitchen is a tip as they cook and leave their mess
so you tell them to do their own washing - washing machine permanently has wet washing in it, dryer has permanently half dried clothes in it.
The only thing she can use as a bribe is stop pocket money , stop wifi ( though teens are probably quite able to bypass this) and refuse to drive/ pick up at weekend.

And none of those would have worked on a school day morning.
She needs a long term plan - no lifts if they don’t do x, y etc

If they're teens, you control money and phones. For every chore they get an hour of phone/social media use.
They'll get the message very quickly.

So you didn't wash the dishes, phone is money for an hour...

Kids these days eat and breathe social media.