I’ve been with my partner for just over two years. He really loves going away, abroad, on holiday (it has to be abroad - he refuses to spend any of his vacation time in England. He even managed to shoehorn a trip to New York in for the extended bank holiday we had for the Queen’s Jubilee).
I am not that fussed about holidays or going away. Sure, I like them, but I am equally happy staying at home in England, and view going abroad as a luxury/treat - and not a necessity, as he seems to.
Due to a post-Covid glut, all of my friends and family took trips abroad this year that had been postponed since 2019. Consequently, I have been abroad five times this year - once with family; once with friends, once for work (not a holiday, but included in this post because it still invoked all the stress of international travel), and twice with him. This is completely out of the norm for me, and I feel absolutely exhausted and wrung out. I don’t want to go abroad anymore - I’m tired, I’ve spent too much time away from home, and that’s not even mentioning that with the cost of living crisis, travelling is an additional expense that I am not particularly keen to spend my money on.
My partner has also been away five times this year - twice with me, and then the remaining times all holidays (and quite long ones at that - 2/3 weeks) either by himself, as he had nobody to travel with, or friends and family. He tried to cajole me into going away for Christmas, for some “winter sun” to break up the winter, but I made clear to him that I was not interested in going abroad for the foreseeable future (ie until Spring/Summer of next year). He decided this was too long for him to go without an holiday, and arranged two trips: one at the end of November with a friend, and a second trip in February with another set of friends. I was quite relieved, as I felt the pressure was off my shoulders regarding having to go and accompany him abroad. When I have previously made clear that I don’t want to go abroad, he complained that we weren’t a proper couple if we weren’t travelling together. He ended up travelling solo for his most recent trip, as I refused to come with him, and he hated being by himself. He constantly called home to tell me how much he missed me.
His friend cancelled on him for the upcoming November trip, citing money issues. My partner declared that he still had to take his leave, as he had now booked it in, and begged me to come away on holiday somewhere with him. I categorically said no, also citing money issues (I felt this would be a more iron-cast excuse than simply saying “I can’t be bothered / I don’t feel like it” - when I’ve previously told him this, he whines so much that I just give in to keep the peace).
He told me that he would pay for the flights out and return flights, and he would cover the full cost of the hotel, so I had no reason to object. We usually split costs of travelling abroad equally. I wavered because I could tell that if he was offering to do this, he must really be desperate. He looked like he was going to dig his feet in on this, so I asked him to let me think about it. He suggested visiting a country I had never been to, but which I had heard lots of positive things about, and in one of my favourite continents, so I told him that I would have a look into the country & city he was proposing. He kept selling it to me with great enthusiasm and excitement, promising it wouldn’t cost much money (it is indeed a very cheap destination), and I couldn’t help smiling at his excitement. He took this as a sign that I was quite keen and went ahead and booked the flights the same day.
I was a bit taken aback, but decided not to make a fuss, and taking the time off was not a problem, so I didn’t say anything and was fairly easygoing about it, albeit privately a bit annoyed that he didn’t even give me a day to decide. He has since been enthusiastically telling me about all the tours and trips we can do, and sharing links to lovely hotels that he’s thinking of booking. It all sounds very nice, but I’m preoccupied with a lot of other things going on in my personal life (that he is aware of) and so this holiday is really the last thing on my mind and I’m really quite ambivalent about the hotel, what we do there; whether we even go or not.
He called me this evening to discuss hotels. I was tired and I wasn’t particularly interested in picking one, and told him to choose the hotel himself (particularly since he was footing the bill, I didn’t really want to pick one that was out of his budget), as my mind was focused on other things. He could tell from my tone of voice I was distracted and this was not a priority for me, so he went quiet and got upset and told me he thought I would be more enthusiastic about this. I apologised and told him I’m dealing with a lot of other stuff right now. He hung up in an annoyed fashion and hasn’t spoken to me since (he has form for giving me the silent treatment when he’s annoyed).
I am not sure if I should reach out and make amends, or apologise. I’m really tired and can’t be bothered to fight or be reprimanded for my lack of enthusiasm for this impromptu holiday.
Am I being spoiled, entitled, ungrateful or unreasonable?