AIBU to expect help at night with baby

[Anonnnn2]

Am I being unreasonable to expect some help with my ds at night? He is coming up to 6 months old and I have done every night so far (haven’t had a decent nights sleep for 6 months) he’s ebf and when he was younger used to just want to feed and that was used as an excuse a lot but now it’ll sometimes be a nappy change or a resettle.
I nearly posted today in the post natal mental health section as I’m struggling in general anyway and I think a lot links back to the lack of sleep. Brought this up with babies dad and he says he needs his sleep because he’s working (works from home). I know when I go back to work if baby is still waking in the night I will still be doing the night shifts. He sleeps in a different room and I’m just finding it’s really driving a wedge between us. I’m struggling with doing anything, getting dressed, housework, playing with 4yo after school, entertaining baby, doing anything social.
AIBU to expect night help at least once a week?

Absolutely not being unreasonable. You've got to work as a team. My last baby was breast fed and I expressed one bottle a day so my husband could feed him one night feed. He should be a big help to you, you can do it all but it doesn't mean you should!

Personally no I don't think you are being unreasonable particualry given he works from home and you have older kids to deal with too.

I'd be saying to him tonight - OK it's your turn (assuming he's not working tmrw - or his next day off). I need to catch up. Shall I move baby in with you or shall we swap? And I wouldn't take no for an answer. If he fails then the next day off he has I'd actually take myself away over night. To your parents, a mate,a hotel if necessary and catch up that way. And I'd repeat at least every second weekend. Hopefully he'll get the message.

Sleep deprivation is a method of torture.

Take care those early months are tough!

Another thing we did was I fed dc at about 8pm, and put them down in the lounge and then about 9.30 I went to bed. Dh would do the 11/1130 ish feed and then put baby down for thennight, meaning I actually got a decent amount of sleep even if baby was up at 4/5am as my youngest did then was up for the day. We did this most nights - not just weekends!

No you shouldn't expect him to help you.
You should be sharing the load between you. Not you doing it and him 'helping'.

If you are ebf do you pump and give a bottle of breast milk or purely you do all the feeding? If you won't consider a bottle then tbh I see no reason for your husband to be up watching you feed. However at 6 months you're probably starting weaning anyways so is it maybe time to introduce an expressed bottle? If baby will take one then I see no reason why your husband can't be doing one of the night feeds especially on the nights when he doesn't have work the next morning. I would also say if you're doing the bulk of night feeding he needs to then take over more during the day wherever he can to try to even the workload as one half of your team.

He's being a selfish arse. Of course he should be helping you. I breastfed, but also expressed, and my husband did a chunk of the nights throughout the whole of my maternity leave, despite working. And why? Because we had a bad sleeper, the nights were rough, and he didn't think I should have to be a zombie for months on end. He values me and cares about my mental health. I'm not saying this to be smug, and god knows we have our issues, but to put your partner's behaviour in context. He's a dick. He is explicitly valuing himself above you.

Thank you for all the replies, nice to know others think I’m not being completely unreasonable.
I have tried the going to bed early think but about about 30 mins he seems to bring him up and put him in the next to me crib because he’s sleeping but then after 10 mins he’s up and crying so then I’m left to settle him.
The other thing that annoys me is he stays up late anyway until about 12/1 but then will say he’s tired because baby wakes at night (this is when he does stay in the room).
I have tried expressing but I don’t seem to get a lot and then what I do get ends up wasted because he doesn’t seem to be bothered about giving it.
I feel like he should be helping with this part more, he also says he needs to make sure he keeps his job in the current climate (he’s only been there a year) I understand all that but does that mean you don’t help me. I’m just so drained and feel like crying constantly. Our communication used to be so good but now it’s just rubbish and I feel a lot of the time he shuts me down or it’s not worth even saying my opinion.

He needs to step up. No excuse for weekends

It's really refreshing to read these responses - far too often on these threads you get the same shitbag Elevenerifers posting "well I had octuplets and no help at all, so you shouldn't get any either".

OP, YANBU, he should absolutely be doing some night-time parenting!

Of course he should be doing more. How do you get him to do it, I don't know. Never figured that one out myself.

Of course you aren’t getting a lot of milk when you express, OP - you need 2 things for successful milk production - proper hydration & enough rest.

Your DH needs to step up massively.

DH never did any night feeds (or not at least while the DC were breastfed)

However - what he did do was look after the baby in the evening so I could go to bed early. We also did one bottle feed a day (usually formula cos expressing just didn’t work out for me) and he would give that around 10/11pm. We deliberately chose to do bottles so that I’d get a break.

He would also take baby anytime after 6am ish after I’d done the morning feed. I could then get back into bed for an hour or so before he had to leave for work

with second DC he did a lot of the toddler stuff, got up in night and made him breakfast and took him to nursery on his mornings where possible

I did every night by myself BUT husband left a snack tray for me, gave me an hour in the morning before work and a lie in both weekend mornings...