To not take part in the Secret Santa

[helen650]

I’ll try to summarise:
Every year we do secret Santa amongst each others siblings. So DH sisters & partner/husband is one secret Santa.
We are fairly close to DH family. See each other regularly.
We have 3 children.
DS’s (10) bday was in Sept. DH DS didn’t wish him happy bday or send a card / present. DH messaged her to ask if she had forgotten his bday. Her reply was in brief ‘I haven’t seen him that much, I don’t know what he likes, so I didn’t get him anything, lol’

They do know what he likes. Money is no problem for them.

They had, a few weeks before, bought her boyfriends nephew Who is the same age, a full bearded dragon set up.

I was pissed off. Simply a happy birthday would have been nice.

I got a message yesterday inviting me to the secret Santa between the siblings on my DH side. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to spend my money on her when she can’t even be bothered to say happy birthday to my little boy. Quite tempted to say, I don’t know you well so I won’t bother.

AIBU and what can I say without causing a fall out?

No I wouldn’t take part in that either.
it’s very telling that she had absolutely no problem in offending you about your sons birthday so you shouldn’t worry about the possibility of offending her about the secret Santa.
You could say that with the current economic climate you don’t want to waste money on ‘token’ presents or say that you thought people weren’t doing presents any more.

As tempting as it is I don't think it would help to go down the passive aggressive route. Could you say something a bit more direct like...Well I'm feeling a bit hurt that you didn't acknowledge my son's birthday.

Your reply:
"I haven’t seen you that much, I don’t know what you like, so I won't get anyone any, lol, and p.s. I can't be arsed"

Nah I wouldn't take part.

YANBU. I wouldn't take part either

I would’ve be passive aggressive. I’d just say ‘sorry, not taking part this year’

*wouldn’t

I wouldn’t take part. And I would just repeat her response back to her

Fuck her. No way. What a dick

I dont think it's a big deal to say no. Just reply in a similar way to how she did 'secret Santa!? Have you heard of cost of living, lol. We will give it a miss this year, thanks'

I would just say you're not taking part this year. No explanations required. And I certainly wouldn't be using cost of living as a reason, if it's really not relevant. Make out that I can't afford it to save embarrassing her? Nah.

excelledyourself is spot on. Do send the above