Which is more damaging

[SpinningFloppa]

aibu to ask what is more damaging for children? an absent father or a father that dips in and out and goes for a year or more without seeing their children? I’ve heard mixed things about which is more damaging but it seems to change to suit the situation. Obviously both are bad but I’ve heard one is significantly worse than the other (also not talking about abusive fathers so don’t comment about abusive fathers as everyone can agree an abusive father is more damaging than an absent one)

(reposting as didn’t get much responses on another board)

A friend was abandoned when PG, the Father had nothing to do with the child. He returned about 11 years later and was in and out doing that sort of dipping contact you describe. The child developed anorexia, the uncertainty was awful for them. I’m pretty sure that was more disturbing for that child than him remaining unknown.

It might depend on the age of the child and what dipping in and out means. Is it that they step back sometimes but in a fairly organised way and communicate about what is happening or there might be a health reason or something or is it complete chaos, last minute let downs and full on one minute and nothing the next? I think the impact of this would differ.