Is it a stupid idea to divorce in recession?

[WorldAtWon]

My H is a big manchild. Useless, lazy, self pitying. Can be funny. But the resentment is huge. I have talked to him but nothing changes.

I want to leave. I'm the breadwinner of the house but my job doesn't feel very recession safe. I thought i could buy him out but now looking at mortgage rates - I can't. (We have a low interest fixed from 2 years ago with another 3 yrs on it).

Two v little DC pre school so very expensive.

Also DC both up at night a lot, I'm working every hour and I just feel too exhausted to contemplate anything else like all the heart ache and admin and fighting. I can barely keep up with laundry let alone go to war with my H.

But am I just making excuses? I don't know if I'm just telling myself to wait a couple of years until recession eases as an excuse.

I wish he would just go away but he won't. He feels like a weight on me. But divorce doesn't feel liberating it feels like things will only get worse for me and DC

Wait or just do it?

Only you know the answer to this. Imagine yourself with your dh in 5, 10 years time? Are you happy? That's your answer.

All you have stated in your post is a recipe for a bad divorce more so if he is a stay at home father. He could fight and get full custody. Then you asked to leave house and maintain him and kids.

Because you are aware of your feelings, plan ahead. He needs to be in work then you do part time and reduce your breadwinner status before you file for divorce. Buying time will also give your kids time to move to 30 hours free nursery which will make it more affordable. Rushing into divorce with a plan can be disastrous. It’s a different situation if you forced into it.

In the meantime, start emotionally detaching from him. He may sense it and then start doing more saving his marriage. Bonus for you both.

Be very careful though, dangerous time is when you are trying to exit a relationship!!

@Allisfairinloveandwar He does work. But he just took a massive demotion so his job would be less stressful. He used to be a manager and now he just does basic stuff at the bottom of the team because he was coming home and being so angry. and my job was going from strength to strength so to save the marriage - i said, yes, go down to 4 days a week and apply for a job somewhere else in a much smaller company doing a much more junior job. the kids are in childcare 4 days a week.

But i out earn him my quite a whack - so could he get more of the equity? He didn't put anything into the house

also, he may have the less demanding/less hours job, but he does about 5% of the housework, and about 10% of childcare.

All these years you have allowed him to put nothing into the house. But don’t then expect the Judge to tell him off or give him less. He has sacrificed his career to be there for the family. You will struggle convincing the courts otherwise.

I believe you! But will his solicitor and the courts? More money to him and possibly more on custody as he works ‘part time’ and can leave job tomorrow. Whereas you may struggle. Which means child support from you to him.

Just be prepared. What happens in your family is not what’s gonna be portrayed when you go to court.

Good luck 💐💐

I will take advice. Certainly. Thank you @Allisfairinloveandwar But if what you describe is a real risk - then I simply won't leave. I do every 2am cuddle, every tantrum, every bit of admin etc. They need their mum.

I thought agreeing to him reducing his hours and work pressure might save our family - as the MH and anger issues were down to work. But they weren't. They were down to him.

It's done now. The thought of being trapped here until the kids are grown is awful. But what you describe is even worse.

True words. Your babies come first. However you may change your mind so start putting money and investments away for your kids in trusts.

Search for this post…., you in same boatish

To think divorce is sometimes unfair to the higher earner? 85
MirrorM · 20/08/2022 21:31

poster is called MirrorM

She got 85 responses 😉😘