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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have a rant and want a handhold

11 replies

tiredhell · 09/11/2022 23:17

DS is 3 1/2. Always been a shit sleeper, occasionally we will go through phases where he sleeps the night (normally lasts a few days) and then we go back into waking frequently during the night.
The last week he has woken every single hour and screamed until we go into him. He has an long hook lock on his door so he can see out but can't get out if that makes sense (he can scale any stairgate and we have open stairs so it's not safe to let him wonder!) we have tried having this unlocked but he just tries to go downstairs rather than come into us which makes it dangerous.
DH and I both work full time and are exhausted, just fucking exhausted. We try and bring him in with us but he doesn't settle as he wants his own room. He basically wants one of us sat in the room with him all night. Not only are we miserable and shattered but so is DS he is so winey and shitty during the day because he is exhausted and I can't take it anymore.
Tonight I left him to tantrum and cry. I went into him said mummy and daddy are sleeping as it's bedtime and left. He's cried for 20 mins and is now laying by the door drifting off.
I feel like a terrible terrible mum, but it's getting to the point we are all loosing our tempers with each other and DH and I are snapping at each other constantly.
I'm so tied, my mental health is in a dark pit and I just don't know what else I can do anymore.
Anyway, this was a long ramble so I apologise and guess I'm being unreasonable even posting it but in need of some sort of reassurance.
To confirm though DS is perfectly safe, we have a camera monitor so can see exactly where he is at all times and our room is opposite with the door open so he can see the bed from his room.

OP posts:
SheilaWilcox · 09/11/2022 23:24

Hand holding.
There's no tired quite like parenting tired.

WineIsMyMainVice · 09/11/2022 23:25

You are not a shit mum. Not at all.
really sorry that I don’t have advice. But it will get better with time.
good luck op

tiredhell · 09/11/2022 23:28

I don't think the dog helps. He's literally just closed his eyes and she whines at our door (normally sleeps on the landing quite happily!). Blooming hell.
He has settled down now although will now sleep on the floor by the door but I really don't want to wake him up to put him back in bed so he will have to stay there. If he's uncomfortable he will wake back up!

OP posts:
Navelgazers · 09/11/2022 23:31

It's not ideal but if he wants you in with him can one of you sleep on a mattress on his floor? We do this sometimes.

Pixiedust1234 · 09/11/2022 23:37

Leave him to sleep on the floor. Its not going to kill him and eventually he will realise its not actually fun sleeping on it when he has a nice snuggly bed. He will make that decision quicker when its winter.

I would like to say this will pass...but you hear of many teenage boys still kipping on floors at parties. Maybe this is the practice phase?

tiredhell · 09/11/2022 23:40

Pixiedust1234 · 09/11/2022 23:37

Leave him to sleep on the floor. Its not going to kill him and eventually he will realise its not actually fun sleeping on it when he has a nice snuggly bed. He will make that decision quicker when its winter.

I would like to say this will pass...but you hear of many teenage boys still kipping on floors at parties. Maybe this is the practice phase?

Halloween GrinHalloween Grin then I'll be posting that he sleeps all the time and doesn't wait to get up haha.

OP posts:
tiredhell · 09/11/2022 23:40

Navelgazers · 09/11/2022 23:31

It's not ideal but if he wants you in with him can one of you sleep on a mattress on his floor? We do this sometimes.

We have done this before but it just makes it worse as he wants us there all the time if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Navelgazers · 09/11/2022 23:46

Maybe you can make peace with that and do it for a bit. If it calms him and you all sleep better it could be worth it for now. Then start reducing, weekends only for example. I wouldn't rush it. But that's just what I would do.

GreenTeaPingPong · 09/11/2022 23:55

If you can afford it I would seriously consider getting a sleep consultant in. You would all be so much happier if you regularly got a good night's sleep.

LeMoo · 10/11/2022 00:00

I think you've done the right thing. It's awful for you, but you're behaving with care and gentle boundaries when extremely sleep deprived.

Repeat your approach over the next couple of nights and hopefully you'll have broken this habit.

Flowers to all of you.

Shallysally · 10/11/2022 00:02

I agree with @GreenTeaPingPong re the sleep consultant.
You know how important sleep is, deprivation is making you ill and affecting the whole house.

Failing that, sleep in with him in his bedroom. It’s not ideal but you can work on changing things when you are all in a better head space.

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