To hate who I am?

[Outlier102]

Late thirties, single, no friends for a start. But have so much else wrong with me.

1. Get told I look and seem a lot younger than my age.
2. Get told I have an accent or 'weird voice' even though I shouldn't as have always lived in the same place.
3. Very shy.
4. Physically weird looking. Big nose, ridiculously small ears, very thin lips, flat chested etc.

I'm not unpopular at work and always get described as kind and caring but I hate who I am and the thought of turning 40 terrifies me as I will be even more of a loser than I already am. 😔

Late thirties, single, no friends for a start. - same except I'm married. I think my shyness and parents not being there for me hasn't helped matters. I've had to really start loving myself (I'm worthy affirmations etc). All my old friends took the biscuit and I am now wary.

But have so much else wrong with me. - start with positive affirmations in the morning. "I'm sexy, i'm smart, I'm likable, I'm confident and kind, I'm perfect the way I am" or work on changing what you don't like (if it's doable and doesn't cost loads)

Get told I look and seem a lot younger than my age. yes same problem, well, least you don't look past your best! Maybe they are jealous of your youthfulness.

2. Get told I have an accent or 'weird voice' even though I shouldn't as have always lived in the same place. - learn to ignore the negative comments. People will come out with all sorts. People with opinions, not anything based on fact.
3. Very shy. - same here. I have to really try hard to be less shy.
4. Physically weird looking. Big nose, ridiculously small ears, very thin lips, flat chested etc. - I have a big nose, I focus on what I do love, my lips, my physique, which I work on with exercise and cutting out sugar.

I'm not unpopular at work - fab, keep that positive self talk going.
and always get described as kind and caring - great. You're a good person. I have a tendency to be too nice so have to act a bit tougher sometimes to protect myself.
but I hate who I am - sorry you feel this way. Have you written a list of all the things you like about yourself?Things you're good at, what you bring to the table. Bet there's a lot to list!
and the thought of turning 40 terrifies me as I will be even more of a loser than I already am. 😔 hell, scares me too, I'm 40 next year but I'm trying to think of the good that will come with being more mature. You don't sound like a loser. You have a job, that's a win right there.

I'd love to see a list of all your good points ☺️

Make sure you're looking after yourself.

Can you do anything that may feel bold like join some clubs to focus on a hobby maybe, do you have any pets?

It's unpleasant feeling that way. Sending positivity your way...

Why would being over 40 make you more of a loser?

Kindly, though, I would be friends with you. We have a great deal in common (except I don’t consider myself to be a loser!)
I think you need to get out of your own head a bit. What do you do in your spare time?

I don't resonate with any of your points apart from number 1 but I voted YANBU because I felt sorry for you and how the vote was going.

Yes why does being 40 make you a loser?

Oh OP. You sound like your own worst critic.

I know it's hard, but you need to try to give yourself some more perspective. The world is a big place and you won't be the only person who is shy, reserved, struggles socially or has non-conventional looks.

It sounds to me like you need to find "your people". Do you have a hobby? SO many people feel the way you do and I'm sure they'd love to meet you.

It's never too late to make a change, so if you want something in life that you don't currently have, don't give up! You've got so many decades left!

What would you say if a collague said these things about themselves? Talk to yourself like you’re being kind to a friend.

I just wish I was more ĺike my colleagues who are the same age. All married with kids and a mortgage. I feel so different and childish next to them and look it as well. I had to have a photo taken for work purposes and I look so childish in it which is so humiliating.I just think to get to nearly 40 and have achieved so little and have so little is really shameful.
I know I need to find my group of people but hard when people perceive me as much younger than them and am so self conscious about my voice and looks right now. I know I need to do it in order to try and feel better about myself though. Just feel I have nothing to be proud of and am sure my colleagues secretly talk about how odd I am in secret.