Facetime - would this annoy you? AIBI

[RudolphNeedsAntihistamines]

My PIL call up on Facetime, spend at least an hour on it, and do it at the most inconvenient time. It is driving me insane.

They call up a couple of times a week. This is not the issue, but the method and when they do it, and how long. So, every time they call up, it is around 8 pm. So, I've been at work all day, I've picked up the DC, I've sorted dinner, cleared up and then I sit down to whatever is on. DH helps before anyone asks. Bakeoff is a great example. I've sat down, glass of something in hand and the Facetime goes off. DH downs the remote, and we have to chat until 9pm or 9.30pm. The conversation is all one-sided about what they have been doing etc. and then they want to speak to DC, who are usually doing homework or on their own mediums of communication with friends.

If I am not around, as in taking a bath, too tired to chitty chat, or have gone out....I am rude. Same for DC, they are rude if they don't want to drop everything and chat for an hour. FYI PIL have ample opportunity to come see us whenever they like, and we do go see them. They just seem to spend all day, every day on Facetime. Also, they call us when it suits them. These seem to be our slots, weekday or weekend at 8pm.

I've asked my DH to please call his parents/ have them call him during the day (weekends), or call them on his way home. I speak to my parents a lot, but I don't close down our evenings to do so. I call them on the phone during the day or I call them hands-free from my car when I am doing taxi service around and about.

I don't have the best relationship with my in-laws, so maybe this is clouding my judgement. However, I do not, and would not inflict this situation on my DH and DC. When I get in from work, I want to chill and I do not want to turn off Sat night TV to Facetime family, either his, or mine. Also, I hate Facetime. I am a really, really busy person and if someone calls me up for a "chat", I put in my headphones and get on with chores. I can't do it if you Facetime me.

When you talk to your parents,do you expect DH to talk to them as well.
Cause if you do t,I think you should.
Get them to call at an inconvenient time for him
And let him miss out on his stuff.
Won't be long till he stops his parents ringing.

This would drive me bonkers. My husband talks to his (lovely) Mum most days, but takes the call in a different room. I'd be turning up the TV and saying 'you'll be better off chatting in the kitchen'.

Don't answer! If they follow up with a message don't answer that either.

I absolutely hate FaceTime. So much so that I refuse to talk on it. My husbands family all use it and sometimes they will do a 4/5 way call involving the whole family. It's loud and irritating, so I just go and sit in another room. I don't really care if they think I'm rude anymore.

all the "don't answer" are missing the point that the DH probably does answer and does want to speak to them?

If it were my DH i'd ask him to go to another room if i wanted to watch TV.

Your husband and his parents are bullys.

Stop allowing it.

Be rude.

I couldn't be married to a bully.

These are HIS parents and HE needs to chat to them.

I bet this isn't the only issue in your marriage, it never is with men who force you to do something you don't want to do.

What you describe is NOT normal.

Get some counselling to help you see this.

I wouldn't subject my children to this.

I have zero interest in FT and do it rarely.

'Dh tonight from 8-9 I'm watching bake off, I won't be pausing it or muting it.
I suggest you ring your mum at 7 or take the iPad into the dining room to talk to them. They can't continue to dominate each evening'

Just be 'rude'... Go and have a bath or get on with stuff. If u want to be really rude turn the telly back up and ask your dh to go in the bedroom 😂 it's your life you can choose to do this or not do it.

Does he talk to your parents for 2 hours a week?!

Do they actually know it's an inconvenience to you though? If your DH answers and you both sit there chit-chatting then maybe they don't see an issue?
You need to spell it out to your DH and tell him to sort out a different arrangement with his parents.

My Dad use to call right on top of bedtime I just stopped answering until they started calling earlier

During one of the lockdowns my husband bought one of those things that mean you can talk to people through the telly. It got old very fast (and we don’t use it now). I’d come in to do something then find out that we effectively had his parents in our living room and either would feel I had to linger or be rude and go elsewhere.

rainbowstarsdrops is right. They need to be told that you don’t want to FaceTime. Or perhaps you could say that you are staying off FaceTime as it gives you a headache (sounds cowardly but is often true for me - something to do with the way the screen moves).