Sorry if this is long, I name changed but have been on MN for ever so I know what responses/questions will be asked so I'm trying to be detailed and pre empt.
4 month old DD. In the US, so have already been back at work 2 months. I WFH, in a position which pays ok, I am the main earner and my job gives us health insurance so have to be here. No option to work from an office, and don't have strict hours as such but need to be available for meetings which usually happen between 9 and 3. Can take breaks/flex if no meeting and am available on my Teams app on my phone.
DD is a wonderful baby we tried for a long time to have and I love her. Her sleep is up and down, 1 night feed but multiple wake ups for pacifier or cuddle, and from around 6am will only finish her sleep in bed with me.
That's important because I previously started work around 5-6, giving me 2-3 hours uninterrupted work time before she woke up but now that's not possible, and I feel like I'm failing at work and at being a mom.
DH is a wonderful father. Works Freelance/self employed creating woodwork as requested and stays busy but doesn't really make a huge amount of money for hours worked but is happy and between us we make it work financially. Because of his flexible role he cares for DD while I work and works when I finish, and does some admin/business/enquiries work while watching her when able. I feel DD is too young for daycare and it's cost prohibitive where we are anyway, as the plan was always she stays home. I'd also be happy for DH to be a SAHD but he loves his job and doesn't understand that caring for our child is also contributing, even if he couldn't financially. He has complete access to our money.
That said, I know he gets overwhelmed when DD wants me, or with watching her for 8+ hours straight without a break - I know, because it's really freaking hard, and while he never asks me to take her I can tell when he wants a break or when she wants me so I end up with her between meetings a lot which means I don't have much time left for actual work - hence the previous 3 hours in the morning being invaluable.
I don't know what my AIBU is really. This morning was just so tough as almost the minute I started work DD woke and wouldn't settle in her crib despite multiple attempts so we're back in bed. DH worked through the night again until around 2, so I'm with her while he sleeps until 9ish, and I ended up getting frustrated with her and then crying because I'm overwhelmed but she doesn't deserve it, and I don't think I'm doing anything right.