To cancel on a friend in favour of a duvet weekend?

[agentgoodnight]

I'd arranged to meet a friend this weekend with the kids & take them to a play centre.

My child was meant to be staying at her grandparents house next weekend, but they told me last night they can't have her that weekend anymore, but are more than happy to take her this weekend.

I'm a lone parent, so is my friend. Im so tempted to rearrange the play date & explain I could really use the break (the offer of a child free weekend doesn't come often)
I've asked another friend what they think, & they said if she is a true friend she would totally understand...

I know my daughter would be happy either way.

Am I a bad friend?
AIBU?

You are in no way a bad friend. Change the plans for this weekend its only Wednesday so you are giving plenty of notice. Enjoy the rest and relaxation. If your friend is annoyed or says anything then they aren't a friend.

I think if you explain the change in circumstances is due to your parents and you actively suggest another date, it’s fine to ask to rearrange. So - “Hi friend. Sorry to mess about - but my parents have asked if they can change arrangements so that they have DD this weekend instead of next. Is there any possibility we can move our play date to next weekend so that she can go? Either day works for me. So sorry to
mess you about .”

I think that’s fine and perfectly understandable. Someone has changed arrangements on you and you need to reschedule.

I think it’s totally fine and just rearrange the meet up

Explain you are child free this weekend but can go next weekend. Totally acceptable.

YANBU. Take this opportunity!

And it sounds like dd isn’t even free anymore as she will be with her grandparents.

It’s only Wednesday so you are giving friend plenty of notice.

It would be madness to do the playdate.

I think it's very understandable that you would want to switch but give your friend as much notice as possible. Enjoy your peace!

YANBU, plenty of notice and totally understandable

Yanbu but tell her asap so she can make other plans and set a new date that you can do so she doesn't feel rubbish.

Absolutely yanbu. Particularly if she's a solo parent too, she'll hopefully totally understand the reason! Enjoy your alone time

I was all prepared to say YWBU but thats when I thought friend might have made arrangements to have chikdfree time to spend 1 on 1 with you. In this situation - nope. Absolutely reasonable.

You're not cancelling for a duvet weekend. You're cancelling because her grandparents need to change weekend.

If you dont, she misses a weekend with her grandparents and you miss out on a whole weekend child free. You can go to play dates anytime. You cant have this anytime.

She should understand. Especially if she is also a lone parent. If she doesnt, just ignore any snippy replies from her.

If you're worried about it why don't you just ask her if it would be ok. To me you made the plans with her first so you should respect that and see if she would mind changing. Her kids might be really disappointed and upset by the cancellation, I know mine would.

First of you absolutely reschedule the playdate and prioritise your well being op. A good friend will be happy and will be totally fine with it

No question.

I am somewhat surprised by the replies though, the same people supporting you on here were advising to cut friends off for being flakey/unreliable/cancelling etc etc. Of course you have given her plenty of notice, but I don't get the difference between this thread and another one cancelling her friend for different reasons and being called flakey! And saying how disappointed the cancelled friends children are likely to be etc etc. 🤔

There is a slight case of hypocrisy on here sometimes.

This is not to say you go ahead with the playdate at the expense of a well being weekend, just that I am also surprised that people get so worked up about changing plans!

I am fine with moving things around and changing dates and always have been. My friends and I are flexible and easy going which is why our friendships last for decades. I would jump at the chance of a weekend off op!

Seems reasonable. Why would you go to a play centre when you don’t have your own child with you?!

I would totally do this - enjoy your duvet weekend!! jealous!

This

I would completely understand. Enjoy.

Update-

I postponed, friend was understanding.
Deep down I wanted to have a child free weekend, I need to reboot, like most of you I literally don't stop, and when I do, my daughter thinks of something she needs me to get up & do.