DD wont go to her dad

[Magnoliamarigold]

DD, 4 months old.
I went back to work (wfh) last week and was away from her for 6 hours while she was with DH downstairs, with little visits every few hours.
She cried pretty much all day.
After that day she has pretty much refused to go to her dad and will cry and scream if he picks her up. She clings to me and has to be near me all the time.
Any suggestions?

I don’t think popping down helped.

You need to teach your DH coping strategies - long walks, snuggle wraps, one of your worn tops, car ride, etc etc

Watching this thread with interest as we have the same issue at home

I agree I just find it so difficult to hear her cry 😢

Currently working ("working") whilst dh has taken her out for a walk. Being outside seems to calm her down. The calm down techniques I use just don't work for him.

Also - she is exclusively breastfed and is refusing the bottle but that's another story altogether

I would find a different space to work in for a few days - ask a friend or parent for a spare room. Leave him too it!

Is he not working?

Jammy b**$ has bagged himself 8 months of paternity leave

Well he needs to keep at it - it’s hard!!! It’s hard with no sleep no breaks and all focus on baby!!

Ah, it’s he’s got 8 months off work he’ll just have to work out some strategies. Definitely won’t work initially (or maybe ever) if you are at all available when WFH. Initially either you need to be out of they need to be out. I’d suggest one visit in the middle to BF initially.

it will be stressful for your DH if he knows you can hear crying as well. He needs to find his own routine, maybe timing naps for car journies, lots of walks, local baby groups, garden centres for the pets and once they get over the initial shock they’ll be OK.

If she's exclusively breastfed and won't take a bottle, then of course you can't be away from her for 6 hours. I don't think your expectations are realistic unfortunately.

How can he realistically be expected to care for her all day if she's exclusively breastfed?

How is it possible he can look after her if she's exclusively breast fed? 8 months paternity leave or not.

She doesn't want him because she knows he can't feed her.

He needs to get out of the house with her and introduce the bottle when you're not around.

Yes bottles. She’s only 4 months old. She’ll get used to things soon enough! A week is a big proportion of her life at the mo.

Also - she is exclusively breastfed and is refusing the bottle but that's another story altogether

Of course it's not another story! This is the story, surely?

4 month olds don't really realise they are a person separate from you.

Your DH will have to work out coping strategies. Get out and about to baby groups, look at libraries and museums etc for groups and build their own routine. If she's only really every had you then no wonder she is struggling to adjust. I would wear noise cancelling headphones so you don't interrupt at every cry and play music or podcasts.

You need to add a bottle of formula or bm to her regular routine for her to take, it's a completely different feeding technique that she needs to learn, some babies never get it, you can buy feeding cups which you hold up to baby's mouth and they sort of lap at with their tongue which takes forever.

How is he meant to be the main care giver for an EBF baby who won't take bottles?
Poor bloke doesn't really stand a chance does he?

It will take both of them time to adjust to each other, and she will take time to get used to taking a bottle of expressed milk. It's hard to hear her crying, but it will settle eventually once they get into a routine and both know what they're doing.

You've answered your own question with your last paragraph.

My husband is on his final week of shared parental leave after over six months off - I have been back at work since August. It's incredibly tempting when you're WFH to just pop down quickly to lend a hand or to try and calm things down when a meltdown is going on, but the only way for him to figure out how he can soothe her (which almost certainly won't be the same way you would) is to give them space to figure it out together. Is there anywhere else you can go and work, even just initially whilst they get through the transition? Is your husband signed up for any classes etc with the baby?