To remove the xbox permanently?

[MadameDe]

I bought it for my son when he was in year 7 as he was working really hard and I was really proud of him (it was a Birthday present). I thought he could manage his time on it. Year 8 he did okay - not as good but he still had a bit of balance in his life and was doing stuff and getting the homework done.

He's now in year 9. Last half term he was coming home every day saying he was doing his homework - it was fine. I didn't hear anything from the school so assumed it was getting done. However, over the past 2 weeks he has been late twice; given a one hour detention for not doing homework; and another one today for messing around in class. I spoke to his tutor and he said he had noticed that DS hasn't been working as hard and the quality of his homework has been an issue.

Since it started happening I've had to sit with him for 2 hours watching over him to make sure he's doing it. It just feels like he's doing it to get to the end so he can go on the xbox and he's not really focused. It's not just school work - on Sundays he gets on it at 8 and doesn't come off until 1130 when I drag him out the door to do something. He's then back on again in the afternoon until I peel him away again.

I don't have the energy to micromanage him like this, so I told him (more like shouted in a moment of feeling really frustrated) that if his attitude didn't change the xbox would be getting sold. Is it a step too far?

I understand the frustration but it would be incredibly unfair to do this to him and may damage your relationship permanently.

Of course it won’t.

OP just set a time limit on it. An hour in the evenings and am/pm late at weekends?
(which is what my teens get).

Use the time limit settings on xbox. I have app on my phone I can set play limits and time it can be used.

It wouldn’t be unreasonable to take it away to help him manage his time. They are designed to be really fun, unfortunately I have seen many children lose their focus and perform poorly at school because of similar issues. I am so glad things like this weren’t around when I was a kid!

Same here. I think what upsets me most is that Before X-box he was doing so well. I actually think he believes it's everyone else that's the problem.

I'll set the timer on it - I didn't realise that was a thing I could do. That sounds like a really good idea.

I meant it would damage the relationship to get rid of the x box! Putting limits on it is sensible.

How do we set the timer? Where to start?!!

www.xbox.com/en-GB/community/for-everyone/responsible-gaming

I've had a 'no gaming on a school night rule' for years now. My dc were rushing hw to get on the xbox too. On weekends and in holidays, my rule has been no Xbox til after 3pm.
It probably sounds strict but it's second nature now. Dc don't even consider switching it on even though they're much older now.

we have constant wars over the Xbox. It really depends how much access he has/how much he uses it/ how hooked he is. When we were both working and ds was left to his own devices (with exams coming up) he lived on it. Dh was nipping out of meetings to try to stop him and our house was on eggshells but he was hooked hooked, as in sneaking out of bed at 5 and 6 to play etc. we took the controller away and started forcing him out of the house on walks or playing board games etc. we introduced it back slowly but it’s only at weekends and sometimes during the week in the evening but he knows if we get bad reviews from school it’ll go again It is a slog and I feel like we’re not fully addressing the problem but saying that it’s definitely better

Remove the xbox. My son was the same and I put a timer on it for 1 hour a night. Be stern or he will just sit there and get fat and lazy

You need to nip stuff like this in the bud. I wouldn't remove but would restrict time. I just say they can do their strop and when that's done we can talk properly. I don't stand for rudeness or tantrums because it leads to fractured relationship later on.

Tell him what you've decided, ask for his input, then implement.

Thank you. This sounds like the solution. Do it on his phone via Apple but hadn't clicked. Can't actually get in as it's his account but will hack in or force the issue later 😏