For feeling like a failure

[Correlation]

I am heavily pregnant and also have a 19 month old. I always feel I’m not looking after her well enough. I obsess over what I’m feeding her, how she is fed and how little I think I do with her now that I’m constantly tired in the third trimester.

She eats a variety of foods but quite a lot is “processed”, e.g. fish fingers, toast, cereal, petit filous, baked beans and pizza. She does also eat salmon, meat of all kinds, new potatoes, pasta and cheese, porridge, sweetcorn, bananas. But I focus on what I’m not doing “right “. I can’t cook easily for her as she hangs off my leg wanting to be picked up so sometimes it’s a real struggle even with the processed stuff. I’m too tired during any free time to prepare food in advance. She will eat with us lots but she also wants to watch nursery rhyme videos while eating.

I try to take her out for a walk on days when it’s not raining and we visit my parents and in-laws at least once a week each. I wish I had more energy to take her to soft plays, classes etc. I had to give up baby swimming as I had bad morning sickness.

Right now I’m so exhausted after lunch that I’ve put Hey Duggee on for a bit - already feeling guilty. We do read lots together and her language is good but I still feel guilty for all the screen time but also don’t have an alternative.

Can anyone reassure me or am I really doing as badly as I think I am?

Sounds like you're a brilliant mum and are doing a great job despite being heavily pregnant, exhausted and having a toddler hanging off you, give yourself a break and don't stress.

In comparison, my 4 year old has been watching Cocomelon since 8am, has eaten two bags of quavers, a mini pizza, two yogurts and 3 Christmas tree shaped cookies covered in sprinkles. He's got a horrid cold and didn't want breakfast, didn't want dinner last night either so as long as he eats something, I don't care what it is.

All of the above but without the excuse of being pregnant!

My boy screams if we talk over Moon and Me and won't go for a nap without watching Tik Tak

Your not doing a bad job at all. When my son was younger I had similar worries and it caused me so much stress and anxiety. He's now almost 4 and doing totally fine!
Please try to be kinder to yourself your doing your best and that's all that matters.
Some days our best might be endless TV whilst we try and catch a sneaky nap. Other days it's a full day out and about at a farm/park/museum!

You’re doing great OP

A mothers guilt is exhausting in itself. We’re always worrying and comparing ourselves to others. Your DD sounds happy, healthy and loved and that’s all that matters. My DS went through a stage of refusing to eat anything but Swede 🙄 and then only wanting custard creams for breakfast. We had rainy days sat inside watching Thomas the tank engine for hours…my DD used to like having her afternoon nap hanging upside down on the sofa watching Tweenies. They’re both perfectly healthy teens now (although DD still hangs upside down on the sofa but she’s watching The Kardashians now not Tweenies!

I used a walker with wheels so I could cook.
Obviously you're doing great and doing your best.
I'd just say put some fresh fruit and veg in as otherwise she won't get enough Vitamin C.

Cutting corners is okay, it has to be done in life.

Sounds like you're doing a great job. Food is fun and will give them a healthy attitude towards food. And please don't feel guilty about soft play, it's hell on earth and he/she doesn't know what they're not doing.

It sounds like you feed your daughter well. Nothing wrong with anything you listed, she gets a variety and that will make it easier for her to eat with others and in cafes. Far better than sticks of cucumber and a couple of cherry tomatoes :-)..

Ahhhhh the dreaded mum guilt! You are doing fab. Try to focus on what you are doing rather than not. She has a balance of meals and snacks, gets out the house. Its always harder come winter to get out which makes it feel longer and more boring indoors. Carry on doing what you are OP and try to be nicer to yourself :)

Thank you all for the reassurance. I am very hard on myself and feel it has got worse with being pregnant too, worrying about how I’ll cope with two under two. It doesn’t help that whenever I try to find reassurance online I come across things that make me feel worse - like people cooking from scratch every meal, kids eating 5-a-day, no screen time etc..

@Nectarpeach I think we'd be friends 😂

@Correlation I know what you mean about online, it's so bloody hard to not stress when there are people making gourmet organic meals from scratch and you feel crap, yet if I give my baby a cooked meal she is disinterested, but a pouch of Aldi baby chicken casserole and she wolfs the lot. Can't win!

Throw the annabel karmel cook book down the well!!🤗

You're doing a great job. Please try and ditch the guilt. It's the greatest thing you can do for yourself. There are a hi free and one things to feel guilty about as Mum.

Do you have any plans to put her into nursery or a playgroup once you have the baby? If she doesn't go already. In my experience, having somewhere for the older one to go gives you a break and reassurance that they are getting to do lots of activities when it maybe isn't practical for you to take them out.