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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to find someone in my space?

31 replies

moonypadfootprongs · 08/11/2022 13:49

I'm temporarily staying in an Airbnb as a winter let whilst my house sale completes. I need to stay here a few more weeks and currently was about to extend my time here.
I've just come back to find the partner of the owner in the garden or the Airbnb. This resulted in me not being able to get into the garden as my dog is terrified of men. He left the garden but immediately followed me back in and carried on sweeping. This cause my dog to be frantic for the entire time. She is particularly on alert right now as she was traumatised by fireworks at the weekend.
He the knocks on the door and was quite patronising and rude about the fact I had put a dustbin sack outside the door and not yet got it to a bin. They have not provided a bin and I'm having to take rubbish to the tip.
This is the second time he has turned up unannounced the first was at 7:30 in the morning wanting to let an electrician in to check the fuse board. I was still in bed.
I'm currently going through cancer treatment and I'm also autistic so I'm finding people in my space tricky anyway. I'm also an abuse survivor and find being alone around men I don't know uncomfortable.

Aibu to ask them not to come round without at least messaging first to make sure it's convenient?

OP posts:
carefulcalculator · 08/11/2022 13:52

Yanbu, unless you booked with info you would be disturbed you should be left in peace. Call me an old cynic but when men turn up in places where they know women will be alone I get a bit Hmm.

You should send a request IMO.

Orangepolentacake · 08/11/2022 13:56

Tell them now that you need at least some notice but would rather no visits at all. Then complain to air bnb when you leave. Find somewhere else to stay rather than extend your stay, if possible.

I would absolutely hate it and feel unsafe as you are.

Kiplingroad · 08/11/2022 13:56

Email the owner: "Can you please let me know when there is going to be a man in the garden or at the door as my dog gets very nervous of men he doesn't know. And 7.30am is very early for visits, too. Can you please let me know if that will be the case again as I'm not well at the moment and need rest. Also he commented on my rubbish being outside but I don't have a bin yet and am having to drive to the tip."

Just be a bit of a pain, you are no doubt paying her good money and he is turning up and being rude - she probably has no idea how he's behaving and he sounds like a dickhead.

Sniffypete · 08/11/2022 13:56

You can message, but be prepared for them not to renew your stay!

Orangepolentacake · 08/11/2022 13:56

carefulcalculator · 08/11/2022 13:52

Yanbu, unless you booked with info you would be disturbed you should be left in peace. Call me an old cynic but when men turn up in places where they know women will be alone I get a bit Hmm.

You should send a request IMO.

Agreed

Kiplingroad · 08/11/2022 13:57

And leave a review on AirBnB once you've checked out explaining all of that so that others know what they can expect, especially if they are a woman staying alone. Honestly he needs to be told.

LBFseBrom · 08/11/2022 14:03

Find another air b'n'b.

carefulcalculator · 08/11/2022 14:11

If you can find an alternative I would probably do that, tbh.

Original poster
moonypadfootprongs · 08/11/2022 16:11

Sniffypete · 08/11/2022 13:56

You can message, but be prepared for them not to renew your stay!

This is the thing I need to be here for at least the next six weeks

OP posts:
Original poster
moonypadfootprongs · 08/11/2022 16:25

How does this read

Hi x I’m really sorry to be a pain but please could I have some notice if anyone needs to come into to the Airbnb or garden. I’m a very private person and found it quite uncomfortable today to come back find a man I don’t know in the garden. Particularly as he went on to reprimand me about leaving a rubbish bag waiting to go to the tip outside. I haven’t had time yet this week to take the rubbish to the tip as there is no outside bin for the Airbnb.

OP posts:
SunlightThroughTrees · 08/11/2022 16:42

Don’t start off the message by apologising! You’ve nothing to apologise for. Better to be firm but polite. @Kiplingroad‘s message is good.

America12 · 08/11/2022 16:47

Don't apologise you've done nothing wrong.
Just say you'd like notice if anyone is coming round please , say you're not well and your dog is nervous.

Original poster
moonypadfootprongs · 08/11/2022 17:09

I just thought by apologising it might keep them onside?

OP posts:
OrigamiOwls · 08/11/2022 17:16

Opening with an apology makes it sounds like you think you're being unreasonable in what you're asking. You aren't & don't need to apologise.

LookItsMeAgain · 08/11/2022 17:30

You're not being unreasonable and for another thing I hope your treatment is successful along with your home move.

About contacting them, would this wording work better (agree about not starting off with an apology).

Hi X,
When I returned to the AirBnB today, there was a stranger in the front garden doing some unscheduled work, and this stranger reprimanded me for leaving a rubbish bag outside the premises (where no external bin has been provided). I haven't been able to make it to the tip yet, but in the meantime, if an external bin could be provided, that would be appreciated.
I would also like to know that there will be no further unannounced or unplanned visits from anyone during my stay as I'm unwell and need rest. Furthermore my dog gets nervous and upset by strangers.
I look forward to your update.
moonypadfootprongs

If it's too wordy, feel free to amend.

Original poster
moonypadfootprongs · 08/11/2022 17:36

Hi X please could I have some notice if anyone needs to come into to the Airbnb or garden. I’m a very private person and not very well at the moment so found it quite uncomfortable today to come back find a man I don’t know in the garden. Particularly when he went on to reprimand me about leaving a rubbish bag waiting to go to the tip outside. I haven’t had time yet this weeks rubbish to the tip but will do as soon as I have the time.
Im more than happy for people to come round when necessary but would really appreciate some notice. That way I can also prepare or remove my young dog who is frightened of men.
Many thanks

OP posts:
bloodyeverlastinghell · 08/11/2022 17:39

If your Airbnb is registered you don’t pay council tax and are supposed to arrange for a commercial bin. Lots don’t though.

Darkstar4855 · 08/11/2022 19:39

I wouldn’t say “I’m more than happy…”. You’re not.

I’d say “I would prefer nobody came round unless absolutely necessary and then only with prior notice please.”

justgettingthroughtheday · 10/11/2022 15:36

I'm the Op though name changed. They are now demanding to come in this evening to change the heating settings. They only want to provide 2hrs of hearing a day or charge me an extra £100 a week!!!

Sniffypete · 10/11/2022 20:53

justgettingthroughtheday · 10/11/2022 15:36

I'm the Op though name changed. They are now demanding to come in this evening to change the heating settings. They only want to provide 2hrs of hearing a day or charge me an extra £100 a week!!!

Well heating has become very expensive!!! Holiday lets aren't usually used all day, so you're probably costing them more than usual.

OldPosterNewUsername · 10/11/2022 21:02

@moonypadfootprongs

Don't use PLEASE in the first line of your message either.

I know it sounds weird but second thing I learnt at Teacher Training was that to say PLEASE in a situation like this is to PLEAD with someone to do something.

You don't need to plead with them as you are not asking a favour, you are being firm and you expect them to do as you are asking.

I know it sounds so wrong at first but honestly it works.

Theunamedcat · 10/11/2022 21:08

Sniffypete · 10/11/2022 20:53

Well heating has become very expensive!!! Holiday lets aren't usually used all day, so you're probably costing them more than usual.

Show quote history

Heating isn't that expensive

picklemewalnuts · 10/11/2022 21:10

justgettingthroughtheday · 10/11/2022 15:36

I'm the Op though name changed. They are now demanding to come in this evening to change the heating settings. They only want to provide 2hrs of hearing a day or charge me an extra £100 a week!!!

That's poor. Tell them today isn't possible due to illness. Buy yourself some time.

Check the terms and conditions.
Under what circumstances can they ask you to leave, can they change the terms and conditions etc.

Are they aware you have to stay? Don't tell them unless you have to, they may take advantage of your preference to stay put.

picklemewalnuts · 10/11/2022 21:11

It might be worth reposting asking advice on airb&b and explaining the current problem.

unname · 10/11/2022 21:20

Hi x,

Can I ask you to warn me ahead of time via text when someone will be working in the garden or need entrance to the house? Joe arrived at 730 the other morning and I was in bed, not dressed. My dog is anxious around people and we are both a bit off kilter from staying in a new place.

Joe also remarked that I had a bin bag on the porch. Please let me know where you want them left. I had not had a chance to go to the tip and there is not a bin here to put them in.

Thanks so much,
yyy