Letting work politics get to me

[Rosesarered222]

I’ve been at a job now for the past 10 months. It’s a good place to work with excellent opportunities I have a lot of responsibilities and travel quite a bit. However I’m still fairly new in the career and learning. The job involves client interaction where I give many presentations with the aim to win business. However I’m not sales or business development just work with a lot of people in this department ( who are above me)

The problem is I find the competitiveness all too much. I find that during meetings with clients where I am supposed to be the subject lead I’ll have my colleagues ( including my manager) speak over me yesterday I was particularly upset when one of the directors cut me off and totally disagreed with what I said ( I am the SME in the particular area we were discussing) and what she had said was actually very wrong and misleading. I felt so embarrassed at then end anyway and it’s knocked my confidence.

Im already not a very confident person and struggle with assertiveness. Another issue is my manager who can be pleasant at times but I feel as though he wants to always put me in my place. When he sees I’m getting praise or doing well in particular projects it’s almost as if he’s jealous ( I know it sounds ridiculous)) but it’s like he won’t acknowledge what I’m doing- or will distance himself from me for a few days, which is very obvious as we work extremely close together. So I’m also very conscious of this as I don’t won’t to rub him up
the wrong way.
i will give one eg of this. I attended a huge conference with the company where I gave a presentation of in front of a lot of people (manager did not attend) afew days after the conference we had a call with my manager and the few directors who were there, who praised me for the presentation and congratulated me on the interest I had drummed up with potential clients. He’s response to this was “ I haven’t even see the presentation” in a very dismissive way which was awkward.

in general I find that when I am on a meeting with my manager and a customer he won’t let me get a word in a just takes over. I am trying to currently make connections within the organisation outside of just me and him and I’m finding that there is some passive aggressiveness with this . It’s really beginning to drain me.

Has anyone been in a similar situation with regards to trying to navigate your way around work when it feel your not getting much respect….or should I just not let it bother me and get on with it as my husband as advised. So my AIBU ……AIBU for letting this affect me.

Bumping!!

You only have 3 broad options :

i) Engage in the politics/greasy pole climbing like everyone else.

ii) Take a step back from it and ignore it all and just pocket the cash each month. Maybe the truth will be revealed and you will be rewarded eventually, but don't bank on it.

iii) Make plans to go somewhere else, either within the business or outside of it.

I wonder if he would do the same with a male colleague?
He is making an arse of himself, not you. Be firm and clear when dealing with others and let them see you in your best light. Use the job to make contacts in the industry and company, and see if you can work your way from under him. There aren't anyways of dealing with or changing this sort of personality.

Thank for your advice. There is no way I’m getting involved in the politics.

The work environment is cut throat and competitive
This is not in any way unusual

“ I haven’t even see the presentation” in a very dismissive way which was awkward. he only made himself look like a prat with this

I’m a couple of years ahead of you but I feel your pain, office politics are really getting in the way of me enjoying my job. Getting your head down and doing a good job just isn’t enough.

Get a sponsor who isn't him to raise your profile around the organisation

Have some stock phrases so you don't get talked over. "I don't think youve seen the latest update Sarah, actually...." Or "I should make you aware of course that xyz is important". I wouldn't try to embarrass people but you do need to set them straight if they're handing out wrong info.

I'm aware of this type of behaviour within my own organisation and your only option is to challenge it wherever it happens. By challenge it, I don't necessarily mean call the behaviour out in front of others, but I do think you need to find the confidence to talk to those making you feel this way and say it's not on. You should also make a note of any and all instances where you feel you've been undermined in this way. In my own organisation, this behaviour would warrant disciplinary action. So be prepared to take it further if things don't improve after you've raised it.

Unfortunately subtly undermining others' position/ confidence is a tactic used a lot, precisely because it's difficult to prove and turns into one person's word and interpretation of behaviour against another's. It's a tactic most often used against women, mainly by men.

I think GasPanic lays out your broad options well.

In general, I would say if your manager is a hindrance to your career development and there isn’t a change on the horizon, look for another, better, job.

You should also consider whether or not this is, basically, just the industry culture and if you need to learn to be more aggressive at work in order to succeed. Because if so, option ii) & iii) are likely to be unsatisfying.

I would be looking to find another job. Office politics is shit, and while you can never escape it completely, it's far worse in some places than in others.

Thanks this is good advice . However I would hate to get into a debate with someone more senior than me in the middle of a client meeting.

It seems that I’m justified on my feelings. I thought I was being too sensitive. Was expecting everyone to tell me to grow a pair!

One way I have of dealing with people who interrupt, is to come to a very dramatic pause in my own speech the second they butt in. It’s really effective at highlighting the interruption and reflecting poorly on them. I work in a male-dominated industry and while am supremely confident and thick skinned, I get spoken over on a fairly regular basis. It’s a good technique as all attention stays on you, and someone will invariably redirect it back to you.

I'd talk to your HR, say you want to approach him to resolve these issues but want help with how to handle it. Another option would be talking to another manager at this level or his boss, depending on the size of company and who you know. Whoever you choose can support you in framing your issues and future behaviour requests based on job role and expertise, but more importantly if he tries to use it against you they are also forewarned. If he's generally troublesome, they can also alert you to that / alert his boss etc.

Follow up client meetings with emails, and if you need to correct anything say ‘just to clarify on the point re xxx’ and then give the correct answer. Try saying to your manager that for your professional development you’d like to take the lead on the next meeting and then if he talks over you again ask him to explain why he did so. Set out a plan in an email for what you should cover and he should cover beforehand, and then note down whether he let you talk on those subjects. Do this twice, noting results, and then report him to his manager if he can’t let you do your job.

Thanks I will try this next time.

I very subtly tried this approach trying to plan the meeting beforehand. So w both knew our roles. However he will somehow always dominate. The only saving grace I have is that I don’t have all of my client calls with him- I have the opportunity to do certain projects by myself without him getting involved. This is really the only thing keeping me here