To always be the driver

[ContraryMary1987]

I just need some advice on whether I am being really petty or not. I moved 50 miles away from my elderly Parents and Siblings (in their 50’s) 8 years ago. In that time my sister has only visited bringing our parents twice despite my mother regularly saying she would like to visit more often. Our parents no longer drive so rely on us to drive them to family gatherings. So, I have to do the journey nearly every month and not only drive to my sister’s but have to pick all the family up making a 50 mile 1.5 hour journey into a 75 miles 2.5 hour journey each way! Despite my Nieces and Nephews all being able to drive no-one offers to pick anyone up to help me. It has got to the stage where I feel stressed about the journey and dread seeing my family. I think along with being stressed I feel hurt that no-one visits me. I tried talking to my sister and she said, ‘but it’s such a long drive’!! What should I do? I would just not go but feel sorry for my elderly parents who rely on us plus I hate confrontation. It is making me dread Christmas and also making me quite bitter. Sorry for the long post, just needed a rant!

You driving 50 miles I don't see a problem. Then having to drive another 25? Tell your sister that she or your nieces/nephews can collect and drive back your parents from now on, that you are travelling enough already!

To be honest, you moved away so I can kind of understand why they think that you should do the travelling.

Why can't you drive directly to your parents' house though, why do you have to pick up other people along the way?

Sorry my post wasn't very clear as I was ranting! As I'm driving anyway I'm expected to pick my parents up on the way to my Sister's house (they don't drive) even though it adds another 30 miles and an hour to the journey.

I wouldn't do it. Tell darling sister that she & her kids can arrange picking up parents & you all meet at sister's house, or you just go visit your parents & sis & her kids can meet you there. I don't see why you're doing all the driving.

Just stop.

Tell them you're driving to your sister's and that someone else will need to pick up the parents. And mean it.

Just say no its too far. You're already making a big effort. Or why don't you invite them all to yours for Christmas. Os this just about Christmas or every month? I wouldn't do it personally I'd say no.

To the poster who said you moved so you drive, I think that's nonsense. When family want to see each other they all make equal effort usually.

This is regularly, every family Birthday/Mothers day/fathers day/Easter etc. When I invite my Sister to me for any occasion she says the journey is too long having to pick up Mum and Dad though that's what I have to do EVERY TIME! I'll also add she also doesn't visit me when it's just her and she doesn't have to pick anyone up, it's just a one-sided affair 🙁

Do you want to see your sister? Sounds as if she's not bothered. You're doing the running around because they know you're more invested in the family.
Do you think they would ignore your parents if you didn't go collect them and take them to her?

Is there a different way you can go that allows for faster driving? 1.5hrs to drive 50miles means you are driving 30ish m/h on average? I'm not in the UK so maybe this is normal for speed limits there though?

It’s suck OP.

You can’t force sis to visit you and being your parents but you can control how to structure your visit to them.

What do you think about only making the journey to your sister if that is the meeting place? And just being clear that you won’t pick up your parents?

If your sister can't be bothered to make the effort to come and see you, then why don't you just go and visit your parents in their own home, and she can make the effort to come there, or not of she chooses?

At least you'll still maintain a relationship with your parents, which is probably more important.

They live in London - terrible traffic 😫

That is what I was thinking of doing. Will probably upset everyone as then we won't be having extended family get togethers regularly but I'm out of ideas 🙁

Is there no form of public transport they could use?

Sounds ideal. Not a great fan of big family get togethers!

I don't understand why you don't just go for a visit there. Why do they need bringing to yours? Or your sister's? You can to twice as many times with the travelling time you're presently doing.

Why don't you all just meet at your parents?

I just wouldn't do it, adding an hour onto an already long journey. No thanks!
Another family member can help. If you were the only one i would understand but there are others that can help so it shouldn't be left to you. Yes you moved away as many people do in life, that doesn't mean you have to do all the travelling for the rest of your life.

So it’s “too long a drive” for your sister to travel to your house, but presumably not too long a drive for you to travel to your sister’s house? Does she not realise that you live the same distance away from her as she does to you?