To not want my SIL to be godmother?

[Pleaseletmesleepz]

My daughter is due to be christened next month and dh’s oldest sister is going to be godmother but I’m really unhappy about it.

It’s important to me that dd would have godparents from both sides of the family, therefore my brother since I don’t have any other close family and one of his sisters, ideally his youngest. She genuinely fits the role of what you would expect from a godmother and has always been exceptionally supportive, kind and generous and easy to get along with.

His oldest sister on the other hand is a bit of a spoilt CF. There have been a few episodes that have been quite upsetting, but on my insistence we have let it go, because, a) she’s family, and b) she plays the poor innocent victim so it’s just easier.

The reason dh’s oldest sister was chosen is because when ds was christened last year, middle sister was GM. Oldest sister was extremely unhappy about this and felt like she should have been asked, and this only added to the strained relationship, but due to her CF behaviour, dh did not want her as GM. Again, I had wanted the youngest sister to be GM, or I thought we could ask all three of them to avoid any jealousy, however, due to lockdown (restrictions on numbers allowed at the church) and her own dd having some serious health issues, as well as middle sister going through a tough personal time, dh thought it would be easier to just ask middle sister.

So this time when I suggested we could ask youngest sister to be GM and oldest sister to be a Christian witness thinking this would be a great idea, dh said oldest sister would be really unhappy about it and would make things even worse, so reluctantly I accepted dh’s wishes thinking this could help with the strained relationship.

I then organise a WhatsApp group and soon realise I have been blocked by oldest sister after I have written who are to be godparents in the group. I’ve been really upset (I struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth) about this as I feel I have been nothing but nice. I completely acknowledge my ego has been hurt here and I may be being petty but in my mind I think how can she be any sort of support to my son when she behaves this way to her mother and father. I also don’t know how I could change her being GM without causing a lot of s*.

Do I just suck it up and accept I can’t go back on it? For if we do his side of the family will likely not go and may even decide not to be part of our lives for a while.

You can't have someone who has blocked you on WhatsApp to be your child's godparent!

Start standing up for yourself now or you’ll have a lifetime of misery watching your DH being a weak man not supporting you and you’ll end up resentful. Stick up for yourself and what you want now, and you’ll save even more drama later. Just do it and too bad what anyone else thinks, this is your child. She’s being awful.

But she's already an aunty so why would she also need to be a godmother?

Isn't godmother to relate someone to your child who is not already related?

Who cares if his family take her side? Blocking you the Mum of her proposed god child is not normal behaviour.

Sorry, really confused about what your DH wants? He wanted that sister or not? If he does then I’d say his wishes matter also and he would choose from his side of the family as you have chosen from yours, if he doesn’t I’m stumped as to what’s going on.

This 100%.

Just ask both sisters.

I don't think there is a limit on the number of god parents there are is there?

Of course you want someone that you like but in reality what do you expect from the godparents? How many children turn to their godparents for spiritual guidance? My children know their godparents well but they see them as friends of mum and dad. And a church that limits the number of godparents is odd.

Is it a C of E church?
I don’t see how a C of E church can stop you having more Gparents.
The Royals have about 8.

I had my best friends to be gparents to dc 1.
Fsmily we’re cross on both sides.
Dc2 I caved to pressure and had family, who are ok but my eldest definitely has the best gparents.
When my niece was baptised my dsil, dh ‘s db’s wife, said to dh
can you be godfather, we wanted someone different but can’t think of another man so we’ll just have to have you?😂

@Newmum0322

'Grow balls. This needs to be done.'

Don't do this, you'll just look silly at the swimming pool, and heaven knows what your Doctor will make of them. 😨

This in spades!! I had similar with my children and a stroppy sister. Stuff her , she clearly has zero respect for you & therefore your child. Go with the GM you want, not be pressured by a selfish disrespectful CF.

Turn the question around. This is a decision that will stay with your DD all her life. Who does she deserve as her Godmother? Surely someone who can be trusted to support her rather than someone who will cause a rift in the family. If you can’t be assertive for yourself, do it for your daughter.

Unless this is a ‘social’ christening, in which case do whatever is likely to make is a nice photographic day.

Why did she block you?

We wanted my DH brother and SIL for our DS. If my side of the family did have a problem they never said anything. I’ve never told anyone but neither of them were christened themselves and technically shouldn’t be godparents but we wanted them and asked them if they were happy to stand up in church and go through the ceremony, which they were. So DS has agnostic godparents.