Mum's new boyfriend....

[CapricornCat]

Am I being unreasonable?
So my mum has recently got a boyfriend Its been no more than 2 months that i know of. Me and my brother have tried to be supportive but in all honesty we really dont like this guy and get a bad feeling about him. He doesnt answer a single question straight, is very sarcastic all the time and i get the impression he doesnt want us around. My mum acts completely different around him and its very uncomfortable. This is over the phone and on the one occasion i have briefly met him. He has now moved in with her already which she didnt even tell us about, i know its her business but surely you would mention it to your family? Especially as she had planned to have my children over night who i absolutely would not let stay there with a stranger! Shes now upset with me for not letting the kids stay and cant understand why im not happy about this? They have not met him yet and she says I should trust her judgement and am being unreasonable, I really don't think I am? I now feel like I want nothing to do with either of them.

Your mum , her house she can have who she likes live there.
But your kids , your responsibility.
I'd never let my kids stay in a house overnight or even during the day without me being there.
He needs to earn your trust and only time will do that. If you don't get good vibes from him now , you probably won't ever.

Ask how how you are expected to trust the judgement of a woman who moves a brand new man into her home within 2 months of meeting him. Ask her why you should trust a man who is rude & sarcastic & clearly resents his new g/f's children. Ask her why she thinks it's up to HER which strangers your DC overnight with, & not you - their mother?

You're unlikely to get any resolution if she's so cockstruck she's happy to expose her GC to an overnight stay with a sarcastic stranger - but it will stop her asking again, & firmly remind her that she doesn't get to call the shots about what strange men are around your DC.

Sorry OP.
It's grim, but when a woman chooses a new shag over common sense, all you can do is wait it out. And be there to give your mum tea & sympathy when it all goes tits up because - who'd have thunk it?!!!! - her new man turns out to be an arrant cocklodger.

NBU regarding not letting the kids stop over. Even if he was lovely I’d went a Sarah’s Law check and for them to get to know him first

NBU ignoring your mum not being happy about this. You’re right to be protective of your children

BU for not giving him a chance now you’ve got the opportunity to meet him properly. Some people are rubbish over the phone

BU for wanting to cull your mum over this. 100% stick to your decision but no need for going NC

I have met him in person once. Enough to not want to again tbh.

Thank you these are my views exactly! She has said she won't have the kids unless he is there. Im shocked how she is being but it's her loss.

"I'd never let my kids stay in a house overnight or even during the day without me being there."

Really? That's very unrealistic for most people, don't you work?

Well she won't be having the kids then...

Is she usually so immature? Proof already he isn't good for her given her emotional blackmail tactic.

I think you're right to be incredibly wary. Keep your children away.

@PeeJayDay

In the presence of a stranger you don't have good vibes from ? Would you ?
100% no from me .

OMG! Doubling down with brinkmanship!
"Sorry mum, the kids aren't pawns in your game, & I won't let you use them like this, so your threat's gonna backfire. Happy for them to see you without him, but you won't manipulate me by refusing to have them without him. Give me a call when you miss them enough to see sense."

Poor you OP. This must sting. Your mother sounds quite ... weak.
In a passive-aggressive "I will manipulate to get my own way" style - but weak.
Why does she need this cock around her GC - to paint a rosy picture of instant happy family? To get you to collude that her man is a Good Sort & it's not weird & pathetic to move him in after 2 months flat?

Sorry your mum's being an arse, & hope she gets over herself soon

Woh Woh there's a lot going on here and not much information to form a clear opinion.
What's your parent's relationship story? Did they break up amicably or with animosity? Was one person more the wounded party than the other?
Is this your mum's first boyfriend (read as rebound) since she split up from your dad? How old is she? How old are you? Are you dealing with bond loyalty to your dad (or mum) that might be influencing your opinions?
Sarcasm may be defensiveness. Are you putting him on edge? Adult children can seem a threat to a new partner, who is, well.....new! They're working out how to fit in with you as well as mum.
Also it's a two way street. Both he and you need to stay civil even if you don't like each other.
As for your children, you do what you need to do as their mum. Keep them with you. Let mum work this through her system, it might be a temporary mad rebound but she needs to figure it out for herself. She's a human like you.
If after six months, it's clear it's all wrong, say something to mum but don't wait for her to change her mind. She's free to have her own choices.
Tough I know but having been a stepmum, it is never easy and everybody hates you, even if you're kind and genuine. It's not an enviable position and hostilities arise in the 'storming' phase.
You do your thing.
Let mum do hers.