If they "can't" do 50/50 shared care then they shouldn't be walking out

[Klinec]

I'm talking about the men who walk out on their families whilst the kids are young and then say they can't do shared care because, for example:

He has shacked up with the OW and she doesn't have room for his DC to stay over because she's got loads of her own (and she doesn't want them there anyway)

He is sofa surfing / bunking on a mate or relatives sofa and can't have his DC live there regularly either.

His work schedule isn't compatible with having his DC overnight.

He works nights and isn't awake to collect them from school.

He can't have them at the weekend because he has to work etc etc.

Those are just a few shitty excuses some of these men give, I'm sure many of you can think of more.

I've just been thinking to myself that (in the absence of abuse ofc) if a man "can't" participate in shared care of his DC when he leaves the family home because he has no stable home to bring them to, then he should bloody well make sure he has a stable environment to go before he ups and leaves so he can begin sharing the childcare immediately.

Don't just walk out and leave it all to the mother, you shithouse.

If he's walking out with no long term plan and only somebody else's sofa in sight then he shouldn't be leaving at all until he has his "ducks in a row" IMO.

OK so I'm not suggesting anybody stay in a relationship they don't want to be in but it infuriates me how some men think its acceptable to just up and leave without any intention to continue looking after his own DC.

AIBU?

Maintenance isn’t to cover the cost of the childcare that the other parent would pay!!! It’s to cover the expenses that the resident parent incurs!

If the NRP needs childcare for thr times they have their OWN kids they need to sort and pay for that themselves, not expect the other parent to do it for them!!! What if, god forbid, she had something better to do…?

Exactly. It's unclear why NRPs should be entitled to treat RPs as cheap/free childcare, but it seems that many believe this to be OK.

I really want to hear more from @Ineverwannabelikeyou about this! Please explain why his childcare is my problem???

Personally I think whoever has the child that day is responsible for the childcare. The maintenance is a contribution for the time under 50% that the other parent has them. I don't think the other parent is responsible for paying for childcare the rp has chosen, whether that's a man or a woman.

It's a contribution to the child, it's not a payment for the other parent doing childcare, which is what a pp suggested should be paid. I think you have completely misunderstood what I actually said there.

You're expecting someone who isn't prioritising relationship/ children/ family to just do those things?

I've never met a man that asked for 50/50. There's a reason their partners are through with them.

What so all relationships are ended by women who are totally blameless are they?

Eh? You sorted childcare, therefore you sorted it. Unless you relied on your ex for the majority of childcare (which I very much doubt). OP is talking about the person leaving dumping it all on their ex partner.

Citation please.
If you're talking about ACEs there is a lot of debate about equating all these different events (such as death and divorce) without considering the context.

Personally I would just like him to see the 3 children under 5 once a week, and declare his actual wages so I'm paid more than £7 a month.
But instead he turns up when he fancies and I get paid nil-£7 a month. Ohhhh how the men live.
On the bright side he's an abusive prick and atleast my kids won't learn his behaviours!

Wouldn't it be nice if it did work like that! In my case what would happen is I'd get a message, maybe the Day before, maybe 5 mins before ex was due saying
"Sorry, can't have kids. I'm working/ helping a mate/whatever"
I'd reply "right. I'm also working. It's your day to have them"
Him "not my problem"

Right thanks.
What was even worse was that according to the CMS he doesn't work so doesn't pay any maintenance at all.

Well obviously nobody is condoning that behaviour.

But it does work like that for some people..

Obviously not. But then I've not met a guy who left his wife who asked for 50/50 either. Maybe there's something wrong with the low expectations of men as parents or women too high? Either way. I am faitly sure men as RP are a minority? Or are you denying that?

I've met quite a few! Weird.

I certainly don't have low expectations of men, either.

I haven't said men as RP are a majority - I'm not even sure this is aimed at me sorry