To think that in life no one really got your back apart from yourself?

[justanothermanicmonday21]

Maybe I'm just having a down moment but I just feel so let down and deflated. I feel like no one is reliable. I am a normal kind person who would go out of their way to help others, generally happy and positive but recent events have just got me feeling like I can only rely on myself.

A few examples...

My childrens father cheated spectacularly and embarrassingly, he has been no financial support since leaving choosing to pay nothing for the children and barely being there time wise for them despite being a very involved parent beforehand.

A few months ago I found out my new partner had been messaging another woman and I feel like it's just going down the same path - why does it take someone to mess up to realise what they have? Or am I just a stop gap?

Family are a good support at times but at others they let me down, seem to be oblivious that as a single mum things aren't just as easy for me logistically, time wise and financially. We were meant to go for shopping and then for dinner the other day, not something the kids would enjoy but I went with the promise of a meal, then family left early leaving me alone with hungry kids far from home to sort.

My mother is an alcoholic and I feel like I have to look after her.

I feel like things are so much easier when no one else apart from me and the children are in the mix and it's made me retreat into myself a little and realise that ultimately I need to look after number 1 and stop trying to please everyone else.

I'm no contact with one parent (history of childhood abuse) and the other (they're divorced) is onto his third wife and hasn't ever been interested in the children from his previous marriages. Yet they both appear respectable to the outside world, so...

Sad though really, in a way. Though perhaps self reliance is a good thing.

As a single parent whose mother died when I was 18 I agree with you OP. Eventually you just grow a hard shell and put your children and yourself first. Tbh it took me far too long to do that. I'm pleasant and helpful, but I won't put myself second to the needs of others anymore.

that’s a sad way to look at things! :(

I am in my mid 60s now, and when I look back over my life at things I have done which worked out and were a success, and things that turned into disappointments or disasters, 100% of the times I relied on others, things went down the pan, and 100% of the time I went it alone, things turned out well, even fabulous at times.

This has been particularly true in two areas: buying a property and creating a home in it, and starting a business. I have done these two things multiple times and every time another person was involved it all went wrong and I lost everything. Then I went it alone in both areas and in each case the success was spectacular.

I wish I had known 45 years ago to go it alone from the outset. It would have saved me so much heartache, grief, stress and money. I would have gained security and contentment far, far sooner had I not involved others.

I'm with you OP. I've been self reliant all my life. People let you down and it seems easy for them. It's not something I do so it's difficult to accept from others. I don't ask anything from anyone.
Plus I take things too personally when plans fall through so I just don't bother anymore.

I often think this. I've had a number of long term relationships, and I'm in one now, but I do think people are inherently selfish.

My parents seemed like they loved me, but it's taken me a long time to realise that actually, they too haven't been there for me in a long time, and actually were pretty crap parents.

As a pp said, I think once you accept that you need to have your own back, there comes a level of acceptance and a sense of comfort in knowing that you can sort your own shit out and you're also happy with your lot and can look after yourself.

I agree, I’ve only my DF to rely on. My kids are at that selfish age, DH and I have a very poor relationship, so it’s just my elderly DF that I feel is on my side.

Not quite the same but I get how you are feeling. I’m feeling very low and lonely and completely like I’m of no value to anyone, as in no one values me in the slightest.

feeling very low and sad

I am sorry you feel this way, unfortunately that’s the life I have too. I believe I am building a different platform for my children yet the one I adopted (not the biological ones) is the one I mostly rely on for emotional support. The one I least expected, the one the society least expected. May I invite you listen to this interview with Jay? Wow this clearly opened my eyes am starting to understanding the ‘gaps’ I thought I was going crazy… all the best my lovely … sending you lots of hugs xx

You are not being unreasonable.
I totally agree with you. It's a sad realisation.