To not give DS money to see his girlfriend?

[fahaki8516]

DS is 16, 17 in Jan. He has MH issues and he's been in a relationship with a girl (18) since March. She lives 3 hours away. I do think the relationship is a bit toxic, DS broke up with her a few weeks ago, she accused him of sexually assaulting her but then said he didn't and they got back together.

I've only met her twice when she's came here to stay for a few days so I don't know much about her, she was supposed to come a few weeks ago but told DS she had no money and went to a party instead, DS was very upset about this, this evening DS asked me for money to see her. I've said no and he told me I'm being unfair, that he already wants to die and i’ve made it worse etc.

Now I'm wondering, WIBU?

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Bump

I’d be more concerned about the sexual assault incident

How did he aged 16 meet an 18 year old girl who lives 3 hours away?

Isn't this the same as thread that got removed the other night?

The problem is that you're seeing the bigger, longer term picture, while he's seeing the small short term one.

His need is to see her now, regardless of the past. You're seeing that she's toying with him, to her he's an option not a priority. (And possibly only if she doesn't get a better offer.)

Have you talked to him along those lines? The sexual assault claim is serious. She retracted it the first time, what if she does it a second time and she doesn't? What if she tells others that he assaulted her? If she takes it as far as the police, or it gets back to her parents and they involve the police? That really would finish his MH, and quite possibly him as well.

What support does he get from professionals? You're the mean nasty mum who doesn't understand that he's in lurve, and there's rarely a passion that burns quite so brightly as in a 16 year old. Is there another family member he'd listen to? How serious do you think he is about wanting to die? Would he act on it?

Sorry, I know that's a lot of questions. Really they're for you to ask and answer for yourself more than us. I don't think yabu, but I can see why he, right now, thinks yabvvu.

This is my first time posting. DS met her on snap chat.

I believe DS when he says he didn't sexually assault her, and she has admitted that she lied and apparently they've moved on from it now. He won't listen to me, sometimes I think he is going to break up with her as he was upset about her picking partying over seeing him but then the next day they're all fine again. I am worried about his MH but I don't think the relationship is helping him at all, as he did seem to be getting better but now he doesn't seem to be and mentions wanting to die a lot to his friend (she has told me) but apparently he won't because of his gf, so I'm also worried about what’ll happen if/when they do break up.

Bump

I wouldn't give him money, no. This relationship sounds really bad for him.

Being falsely accused of sexual assault is worse for his life and mental health than 'not being able to see her this weekend'
Yanbu to not give him any money to visit her. She's manipulative and bad news.

A sixteen year old child with MH issues seeing an eighteen year old adult who lives three hours away and who falsely accused the sixteen year old of sexual assault is all kinds of wrong

No I would not give him money in this situation.

You can't stop him making poor choices but you don't help him to make them!

I was just coming back to say this.

At 18, I wouldn't have wanted to date a sixteen year old child, so I wouldn't be "meeting" any on Snapchat. That just feels wrong to me.

I am teaching my children about stranger danger and social media. Are you?

Yes, I did teach DS about stranger danger and how to keep safe on social media etc and if I found out he was ‘friends’ on social media with someone he didn't know id make him remove them. But now he's older I don't think I can as he's 16, he's also said most of the people his age do meet their boyfriends/girlfriends on SM.