AIBU to want to stop my child seeing his friends

[Jambalaya76]

it's a complex situation, but I don't know what to do for the best.

DS1 (15) has always been a good lad up until recently. He stopped meeting up with his regular group of friends in favour of a new group. His behaviour took a nose dive at both home and school and he started vaping and taking drugs. It got to the point where we were getting phone calls home from school everyday regarding his behaviour. Long story short, we transferred him out of his
school to a new school 5 miles away.

Since his move, his behaviour has improved, he has made some friends and we are more relaxed. He was travelling to meet his new friends, but on the odd occasion he would still meet up with old friends, including the ones he got I to trouble with.

He says he has changed and he still wants to meet with his old friends but won't do drugs and has offered to take drugs tests. He says that he has been offered drugs by his old friends but he has said no and he is proud of himself for that.

We moved schools for him to get away from this crowd, but he is finding himself back with them again. I know it's probably wrong, but I want to ban him from seeing them.

Is it the right thing to do, will it make things worse, AIBU?

Don’t ‘ban’ him - the very concept will irritate and offend him, he’s 15 and probably feels like an adult (if someone ‘banned’ you from something, you’d feel aggrieved, right?)

Talk to him respectfully about the recent months and how the change in school appears to have considerably improved his life and prospects. Tell him how proud of him you are. Major on the positives. Check in with him to see if he agrees.

Be honest about your fears, that the other friends aren’t worthy of him.

can you help him get involved in activities that will l give him less time to think about the ‘other’ friends? Is he sporty, or might he consider army cadets or similar? Could he get a part time job/work experience? Can he get into a project at home or with relatives - fixing cars, designing and building a shed, anything really…

I think your instincts to keep him away from those friends are dead right. But better be honest with him, and help him to work with you, not against you x

well i suppose as long as you dont think hes being unreasonable to completely ignore you and still meet them anyway.

He will go behind your back and then you won't even know where he is. Accept his offer for drug tests if you are worried about him taking drugs

Thank you for your replies, it is so hard, I don't know what to do for the best

Bump for any further advice anyone

I could have written this post! 15 year old son, new friend now smoking weed, calling and stole money... he is kind boy and I have no idea what to do! Hope you are okay OP

Why not tell him the first sign of drugs or it affecting his school work then his contact with them is finished. It's a hard one, as I'd be worried he would just go behind your back if you try and ban him. But I totally get why you want to ban him. If the behaviour deteriorates again then maybe restrict when he's allowed out etc, as crap as that is for him he needs to know boundaries x