I recently text my mum to ask what was happening at Christmas (my partner has a little one he's wanting to see if child's mum allows and this with a few other things means we need to have a plan). I'd already spoken to my brother who said he'd be spending Christmas with "us" (him and his partner are on/off but he said they'd all be spending the morning together, him and his son would lunch with us and the partner and her daughter would lunch with her parents and regroup).
My mum replied saying she didn't know what was happening as no one had mentioned it. I asked if we should go to her, she wanted to come to us or did she want to go out. She didn't reply. My brother then sent me a screenshot where my mum had gone to him and asked what he was doing for Christmas (he basically sent me it to arrange). I forwarded onto my mum and asked why she had ignored me but tried to make plans first with my brother.
We ended up arguing. I told her she wasn't arsed what we were doing only what my brothers plans were and she was up his arse. She asked why I was being like this, said I like trouble, I'm an upstart (cause drama), I'm going to have her in a low way, there's something wrong with me, I'm always causing grief with people (I asked who and she didn't answer), my behaviour was childish. I told her three times to leave it before she did. I said we would go to my partners mums and not to worry.
A point to note is, I had tried to arrange with them over my partners family as they have more extended family whereas it would only be me and my brother who visit our parents.
To add a bit of backstory.. she is defo all for my brother. She will drive past my house to visit him but never comes to see me. I worked out in august that if I hadn't made an effort to see them, I'd not have seen them since the previous September. Ive had the keys for my current property since December 2020. She's been twice and my dads been once.
My brother never really bothered with them for a few years. I also didn't speak to him (there was a few reasons). In this time, he missed birthdays, Mother's Day, Xmas. When I say missed this went as far as not even a card. During lockdown I had arranged to pick up Sunday lunch from a local pub and have it with my parents for Father's Day. Id agreed a few week before with my mum and ordered it. On the day she told me that my brother was calling at that time (I wasn't speaking to him and hadn't seen him for two years) I said I couldn't change the time as I'd had to book in advance etc. she wouldn't ask him to call later (probably as he'd have not bothered going at all) and so when I arrived he was there and I ended up leaving the lunch on the side in the kitchen. I left and she followed me out telling me I was being stupid. I got really upset and said she wasn't bothered about me at all (I had a lot going on at the time). My dad come to see me the next day and apologised, he said they were wrong and it wouldn't happen again.
Also to add during this period where my brother wasn't bothering with them my dad had an op. I took a week off to stay down near the hospital with my mum. I drove them down etc. my dads a big bloke, could have done with the help when I brought him home to get him inside etc but my brother didn't come. He didn't even text to ask how he was etc. he's recently been for another op and my parents didn't even tell me he was having it done (my brother told me in conversation they'd asked him to take them down).
When we were kids she always blamed everything on me. My brother was sneaky and hed also tell tales. They'd never accept that i retaliated and said I was a "little bitch" etc. i can remember once my mum and brother getting into heated argument when we were teens (it got a bit out of hand) she was totally out of order (although her goaded her). When my dad got home she had blamed me and said I'd been winding him up earlier and I got a right telling off (I was upstairs when it happened) and made to feel really crap.
About ten years ago when out for my birthday my mum fell and smashed her head and the ambulance were called. A friend got me out of the bar and I went to help. She was short and told me she didn't want me that she wanted my brother so I let him go with her. My godmother told her the next day she had been really nasty to me, she said she couldn't remember. Strangely, I'd never even realised as it was normal to me.
When I first left school I worked at the same place as my brother. we'd had an argument at home one night (nothing major) and I think everyone ended up getting involved. He drove I didn't and usually gave me a lift home or I'd get the bus. He left the next day without me (fair enough he wasn't my taxi) but I didn't have any money (I was stupid and 17 and on crap money!). I waited til everyone left and then I started walking home. We are small town so semi rural and the village was 3 miles away. It was a winter night. Eventually they called asking where i was and not wanting to cause a fuss I said I was on my way home (in the pissing rain) and I'd be home soon. They asked how so I had to say i was walking (but it was ok). They come for me and my brother said he'd offered a lift and I was lying. They said I loved causing trouble and obviously believe I'd opted to walk three miles in the rain in the dark.
When on holiday a few year back my partner at the time overheard my dad telling someone how my brother earned more than me. He mentioned it to me and said but he doesn't? I said no (in fact he earned around 20k less at the time) but It didn't matter. He just shook his head. I just moved the conversation on, it probably wasn't an attempt to belittle me but to big my brother up. They did the same at school, they'd say he was brighter (bur never made the grades I did) so I was used with it anyways.
I could go on but I think I've give enough examples.
Am I being absolutely childish to be sick of this behaviour or is it justified?
When I spoke to my partner about it the other night I got the impression it wasn't that deep, he just said what have you done for them to hate you (he knows I make more effort than them)... were you a horrible child? And maybe that's how I'm coming across, like a brat?
I'd like to add that me and my brother are fine now and this is not him. He finds them hopeless too. He lived with us for 6 month earlier in the year when he split with his partner and we spent a lot of time (me, my partner and his 2yo) together. I'd organise days out and weekends away to keep him busy and he sometimes still comes for his tea. This is about how they treat me differently not about his behaviour.