Hello mumsnet
Longtime lurker and have created an account to ask this.
I have been with my husband for 10 years, married for 5.
For the past year, I have felt as if I am drifting from my husband. I think we are very different people (I am 30). I look at my husband and I think he is a good looking man but I am not attracted to him. I dont want him to kiss me, touch me, or initiate anything with me (sex). I dont like undressing infront of him and his remarks... such as: "what would you like for dinner"... "you" make me cringe so much.
I dont think his conversation is exciting and he had admitted he doesn't know what to talk to me about. We both spoke about how unhappy we were back in December 2021 but neither of us done anything about it. We have had 4 counselling sessions in the last month and all they have done is result in arguments, point scoring and playing the blame game. The counselling was after I told him in August that I am unhappy and wanted space. He refused to move out and I agreed to counselling as a compromise.
I have been getting emotional over last few days, I worry that leaving will be a mistake. However, when speaking to him last night, it confirmed it would be the right thing to do. Totally silly things are annoying me . For example, he asked if I wanted a take away for dinner, I said yes, I asked him what he was thinking and he just kept saying "I dont know, what do you want", I had to pick dinner for the 100th time. I'm fed up of the way he sits and cracks his knuckles. I hate how he mumbles, and I need to ask him to speak up as if he is a child.
I asked him if he wanted to watch a Christmas movie tonight, get into the spirit. and he snapped "NO, i cant be bothered, we will NOT be watching any christmas movies at this time" and I just thought... fuck that, I want someone who wants these things.. who will humour me watching a christmas movie at this time in the year.
We havent had sex since March and before that... probably October! both times were rushed as I wanted it over. It came up in counselling, and I told him I didnt want to have sex as I feel we are different people and I need to feel that connection first. He acknowledge what I said but has tried to initiate sex every morning since (??!?!). What also frustrated me was he called me unadventurous. When I asked what he meant, he said he wants to go on skiing holidays and I dont and I won't give it a try. When I reminded him that I have went on a few ski lessons but I am not bothered about it, and not wanting to waste money on something I think is "meh" - he kept saying, "but you havent skiied up north, you havent given it a try".
I'm going to have dinner with him Friday night, one last attempt to know if I am doing the right thing or not, and then if not, I will have the talk with him on Saturday, and tell family on Sunday (family meaning my mum, dad, sister etc. we have no children). Yes Christmas is coming up, and I will not doubt be painted the villan by his family but that is why I need to have the direct / finalising talk now. I want a happy Christmas. Last year in a bid to be "funny", after hours in the kitchen cooking with my mum, he thanked my mum for cooking the lovely turkey and turned to me and asked what I had done? I was furious, I cooked all the veg, prepared starters/desserts/toppped everyones drinks up... he said it was a poor taste joke but it upset me.
Jeez, didnt realise I need to get all of that out!!
AIBU to give it one last "try" on Friday
OR
YANBU - You are not being unreasonable, you are different people, end it
YABU - its nearly christmas etc.