To ask you to help me give up alcohol

[AnotherClause]

I don’t drink often at all. Never have a glass of wine with dinner unless I’m out for a meal. My family, however, all love a drink at social gatherings. I do enjoy drinking with them at the time, but I’m a total lightweight and if I overindulge, will have memory loss the next day. They are a family of glass topper uppers, so you never realise how much you’ve had.

I had a lot of trauma in my childhood and this alcohol can leave me panicking incase I’ve opened up about personal things. Especially given the memory loss. I then get the most awful fear for the following few days.

I really want to just stop drinking entirely, but I know I’ll be encouraged to drink still. I also worry that I’ll be left out and labelled boring. I do want to be close to my family but I just don’t want to suffer like this in the aftermath.

Also, if I do give up alcohol, there’s a big drinking culture in my community. I feel that, again, ill be written off as boring if I don’t at least have a few.

I know you could say, just continue drinking but in moderation. I just don’t like the risks involved in that for me. Like having my glass topped up and not stopping when I should have, then waking up feeling horrendous the next day. I’m just done with it. I just wish I had some really valid excuse to stop so that people would understand. For instance, I have a friend who can’t drink for medical reasons. Not that I wish I had a medical condition, but if there was some very valid reason, I know I’d get less flack for not drinking.

I don’t have anyone to talk this out with in real life so I’m very appreciative of any support anyone can offer. Thanks.

Its really sad to hear that you won't be supported by your friends and family, I thought those attitudes had largely passed now.

You might find it easier to say you're just not drinking on that night to start off with, but in your shoes I'd simply say it makes you feel too unwell the next day.

Lots of people become tea total these days.

When out and about, soda water or tonic is a good alternative when you don't wish to draw attention to not drinking. I've found with time, even those who tend to put their foot in it eventually stopped bothering asking if I'm sure when I said no to a drink.

Two things I'd suggest:

Learn how to become more assertive. There are lots of TED talks on assertiveness, boundaries and building self esteem on YouTube, as well as many books on these topics.

Secondly, try This Naked Mind and Alcohol Explained (William Porter) - also on YouTube - for strategies for avoiding alcohol.

But being confident and assertive is key if you don't want to get 'pushed' into drinking.

Thank you @LeMoo and @FlowerArranger.

I’ll definitely watch those YouTube videos.

rachelhart.com/270

I've recently started listening to a podcast about giving up/ drinking less. She has one about how to deal with other people - I haven't listened to this one yet, but I've liked the ones I have tried.

It's number 270, Worrying what people may think.

If the link doesn't work, I been listening off this website
www.feedspot.com/fe/5056929

People don't pay as much attention to what you're drinking as you think they do. I don't drink and have only been asked why once in 15 years.

You don't need a diagnosed medical problem to use a health excuse, alcohol can disagree with people in many ways. You could say you've started to notice it causes palpitations or gives you migraines or if you are of a certain age it you could say it makes hot flushes worse and it's not worth it to you so you're giving it a miss.

I think the best way is just to say no thanks, you don't owe anyone a reason for not wanting to consume something. If your friends think you are boring because you don't drink then you need better friends.

I'm in the same boat. I'm listening to the unexpected joy of being sober, it's a lovely book and there's a follow up too.
I've made a plan to get through this week, made sure I'm doing nothing this weekend that will tempt me.
For me it will be a personal triumph up go a week without, I think that will really spur me on.
I totally understand what you're saying and want to make this change in my life.

maybe build up your ability to be assertive, set your own boundaries etc etc

but in the meantime LIE. Tell them your liver function tests came back dreadful & Dr said it's probably Fatty Liver & to help it, you're best to stop drinking for a couple of years, see if it improves.

I gave up as soon as my Dr said that. Mine was non alcohol related fatty liver (I wasn't iver weight then either. Sub 8 stone. I just got a virus & this was one thing it did to my body.

People we're a bit, oh god, poor you, but soon moved on. I can see it will be a bit harder with your family 🙇🏻‍♀️

It does depend on what you like to drink. If it's beer for example, having it in a bottle rather than glass can stop them adding more to it. Or if it's wine, keeping your glass in your hand/close to you and immediately putting your hand over it if someone tries to add more helps.
I am a 'one glass' person too, and hate being pressurised to drink more. But it's a shame if these heavyweights are putting you off enjoying a small amount sensibly and socially.

My problem is, I let my guard down far too much once I’ve had a few drinks and I just hate the feeling of having lost control. I like to know that I’ve thought before I’ve spoken, that I’ve been kind and considerate. When I wake up after a big night, I just worry so much, especially when I’ve had memory loss. I don’t want that any more. And I think that my relationship with alcohol isn’t amazing because of my past trauma and mental health issues. It just isnt worth it for me anymore.

I didn’t drink at my works Christmas party last year. One bloke asked my why not and instead of just telling the truth that i was taking my kid to football the following morning, I blurted out that i was pregnant. It just came out.

so going to work on the Monday i was congratulated by loads. And i just said that it was a ridiculous lie and i was upset by the comment and I’m only bloated.

😂

@MrsDThomas thats hilarious.

i am veering towards the idea to lie that it’s medical, for the time being. The only problem is that a couple of family members work in medical jobs so the lie could just become too big 🤦🏻‍♀️

I decided to stop.
I stopped.
No one said anything. I offer to drive a lot and its funny seeing my friends gibber away.
If others question you its because they secretly admire your action but haven't got the resolve to do it themselves

Maybe try AA? It's not just for park bench drinkers, it is for anyone who thinks they might have a problem with alcohol. Even if they only drink once a month, if you ever start and feel like you can't stop, or whilst you are drinking, feel out of control, or drink and then experience blackouts (gaps in your memory)...you will find plenty of similar people at AA.

The people at AA will welcome you and they won't pry if you don't want to talk. There's no obligation to speak in meetings and no obligation to go regularly. You don't even have to go back a second time.

Might just help you in terms of listening to other people's stories and seeing whether there's anything said that you can relate to. Also plenty of members live in drinking cultures or communities and it can be interesting and useful to hear about how they deal with that.

I especially like the women-only meetings. Might be worth an hour of your time.