Who is BU - guests or host

[Routinedriven22]

We live in a major tourist city. There’s so much to do - walks, museums, tours, sight seeing, food and this time of year is beautiful.

I work from home full time remotely- usually from our spare bedroom but when we have guests I move into the living / dining area (2 bed flat) as obviously the guests are in there. This hasn’t ever been a problem as our guests are out almost all day and everyday. They might pop back for a rest or to change etc. and then we take them for dinner or to the theatre in the evening and spend the weekends together.

We had two sets of visitors last week - one couple staying with us and one couple at a nearby hotel. For some reason - they just seem to want to stay in. They arrive at our place very early 8.30/9am, set themselves up in front of the tv or reading on the sofa and settle in for breakfast. They do annoying things like empty the dishwasher but as they don’t know where to put anything just leave it out on the counter or try and do ‘chores’ which don’t need doing and just create more work.

I also got the feeling that I was in their way by working from home - DH goes into the office. They see the trip as wanting to spend time with us, not tire themselves out traipsing around a big city.

I can imagine it’s annoying feeling like they can’t relax but also - I have to work. They are family so this won’t be their last trip.

YABU - it’s their holiday
YANBU - they need to be more aware

Why would they come to spend time with two people who are busy?

I think no one is unreasonable, it just needs communication. ‘That’s not a very good week for you to visit because I’ll have to work, how about we organise something for the bank holiday weekend next month’ or ‘you’re very welcome to stay at ours but just to give you a heads up I’ll have to work so you’ll have to entertain yourselves during the day’.

TBH I’d never agree to hosts guests while I’m WFH and DH is in the office. Two sets in one week seems excessive too.

Why did you agree for them to visit when you’re both working?

I’d hate to have guests in the house when I’m WFH, I’m busy, I need to get on with work, not be worrying about them being in the house (in my way!)

Option 1:
Sorry, you can't come to stay as the guest room is now my office.
Option 2:
Yes, you can come to stay, but as I'll be working from home in the living room you'll need to plan to be out of the house from 9-5.

And if they come to stay in a nearby hotel:
That's lovely, we can meet up in the evenings after we've finished work.

These people sound like they are genuinely coming to visit you rather than using your home instead of a hotel. That's actually refreshing!

I dont live in a touristy place so if someone was coming to visit me I'd make sure it was a time I wasn't working. It would be very strange to me to accept visitors then be too busy to spend tone with them.

You have probably become conditioned to being used as a free hotel but I think yabu to accept guests then expect to not spend time with them.

Are they actually visiting you or are you an air bnb and charging them to stay?

Did you explain to them that you would be working whilst they visited?

Neither is being unreasonable; you just had different ideas of what the holiday was. You thought they'd be using your place as a base, they wanted to spend time with you. Make sure you're not working during their next visit and it'll be fine.

Really depends on who the guests are and what was said when the trip was being arranged.

Yes they knew we would be working. As a rule - I never take time off work when we have visitors (unless it’s someone we have actually invited or they are travelling alone).

I get very little annual leave and if I took time off everytime we had guests or told them not to come because we were working then I’d never get an actual holiday.

I think you need to clarify plans with your guests when arrangements are being made. If you aren’t planning to take annual leave to spend time with them then you need to say so, and be clear that you’ll be working and need to be undisturbed during working hours in the living room. It sounds as though they’re arriving not realising that you’re expecting them to go out.

You have too many guests.

this might seem flippant comment - but it’s something you need to be wary of, my parents bought a holiday home that they then retired to, one summer they realised they only had one weekend without guests, and while they enjoyed seeing people, running a B&B is a job!

so start saying no - “I’m sorry I can’t have guests while I’m working, the guest room is my office now, so only possible over the weekend. Or you’ll need to book a hotel, I’ll finish work at 5 if you want to come over then.” Be clear, no guests in your home while working. If they are close to you, they’ll understand, if not and they won’t visit, so be it.

They're family! Of course they are coming to see you. How rude would it be if family came to visit you but then spent the entire time they were there not with you but being tourists in your city?

This sounds like a lack of communication on your part. When I go and visit family members I assume that I will be spending much of that time with them. If there are days/times when they aren't free they will apologize and let me know, and of course I'll get out of their hair for that time. But what's the point of visiting someone if they are working all day every day?

“I never take time off work when we have visitors (unless it’s someone we have actually invited”
So you didn’t invite them, they invited themselves and you said yes? Sounds like you’re allowing them to come and use your home as a base, but they’re believing you’re going to entertain them. I agree with PPs - if you continue hosting people like this you need to make clear what exactly you are / are not offering.

@Anonymous48 they knew we were working.

tbh most people (family or close friends) do spend most of their time being tourists. It’s not a cheap city for hotels so someone would save £££ staying here and means they get to visit somewhere they might not otherwise. It’s a long weekend kind of place and we of course take them out every evening and plan stuff for the weekends.

This. I voted YABU because it sounds as though you've not had a proper conversation with them about what it means to come and stay.

Did you invite them to come? Or did they suggest it? What was the conversation like? If it was something like "You are welcome to come stay with us, but unfortunately I'll be unable to take any time off work so will only be able to spend the evenings with you, and by the way I'll need the living and dining rooms free because that's my office", then they are of course being very inconsiderate.

@Whataretheodds @lanthanum

to be clear - one of the days, we did exactly that. ‘We’ve booked this place for 6pm - see you there’

Obviously as one couple is staying here and i wfh they know they have access so arrived at 9am and just watched tv all day.

We will be clearer next time. It’s never come up before as most guests want to make the most of the city.