Snatching from toddler

[Gettissuesgotissues]

My DH was doing some DIY at the weekend, and our toddler was getting involved, like they do. He grabbed a bag and my DH angrily snatched it from him with force, so that he fell onto a glass dish and banged his head and arm. My DH didn't react, and left him crying. I was feeding our baby at the time, and had to pop him down to console our toddler. My sister was there playing with our older daughter, and when we were talking about it later she said she thinks this kind of behaviur is abuse. My husband just said he didnt mean to hurt him and it was an accident. Who's BU, my sister or my husband?

YABU - My sister is right

YANBU - My husband is right

Eh, shit happens. My toddler tried to grab a knife from me yesterday, I elbowed her in the head by accident trying to keep it out of her reach. Unless there's a LOT of missing background here, where your partner is generally violent and shit at parenting, your sister is overreacting.

Imo it was abusive in that he didn't console ds. If this is a pattern I would be concerned.

Was it a bag of tools (dangerous )? Should the toddler have been kept out of the way by one of the other adults in the house ?

Why did he fall onto a glass dish ? Why was there a glass dish on the floor amidst a diy session involving a toddler ?

Does your partner do things like this often?

It wasn't a bag of tools or anything dangerous. The dish was there to catch radiator water. Toddler had been happily helping out until that point, passing things to DH etc. Had I realised DH was getting stressed I would have taken us all to another room, which I did afterwards.

Neither are right. DH was a bit of a nob. But To call this abuse massively trivialises abusive parenting.

It's tricky to know with DIY especially - did DH need to grab the bag immediately and swiftly? Was he trying to hold something in place at the same time? Was it a hazard? Why was there glass? Was DS hurt or was he upset the bag had been taken? Was DS told not to take the bag or asked to hand it back or given warning? Why was DH multitasking both DIY and a toddler when there were two other adults there in the room? How do you know it was grabbed "angrily"? How long was he left crying?

For example: You've asked DH is building a shelf whilst also left looking after his toddler DS. DH has repeatedly asked DS not to touch the sharp tools or parts and given him a toy to play with instead. He's holding a shelf bracket in place on the wall after lining it up and reaches to the bag of screws, drill in hand, to see DS has grabbed them and is walking away or about to put one in his mouth. He snatches the bag back before DS walks out of reach (he can't let go of the positioned bracket), DS falls to the carpet hitting a plate of snacks on the way and cries because he wants the screws back. DH ignores him for five seconds whilst he drills in the screws, by which point you've already consoled DS. If this were the scenario then it would clearly not be remotely abusive.

We need more info.

Of its a one of it was pretty shit of your DH not to console his kid. If he regularly ignores his child when they're upset then yes that's emotional neglect. Context is key.

I don't think it's abusive but it's quite unkind and neglectful that your DH didn't console your toddler. At that small age, regardless of whether they were being a bit annoying or "naughty", if they're hurt and crying, you console them.

DH later admitted he was irritated and lost his temper. Bag wasn't a hazard, and he wasn't in the middle of something he couldn't stop. He had said to get off the bag maybe once? We were all in the room, I thought toddler and DH were working together, he now says he was getting more and more wound up with toddler. I would have taken us all out of the room in a second if he'd just have said. I told him this today and he said he was beyond the point of asking nicely by then! I had no idea he was so wound up, I thought they were working together on a not dangerous bit of DIY.

Toddler was crying for a minute or so before I realised he was hurt and not just crying because he'd had the bag taken from him. Sister saw it better than I did as I was feeding baby.

Is your sister a MNer given how quickly she threw abuse around?

So your husband snatched something, caused your toddler to fall and bang his head and arm...that's bad enough... and then just ignored him? Wth is the matter with your husband that he can't console his own child for something he caused?

This.

Accidents happen but not stopping to console a child who has been hurt as a result of your actions is just cruel.