I'm looking for some moral support here to strengthen my resolve to go no contact with my MIL. I've been friends with my MIL for twenty years but things have gone rapidly downhill in the past year. I've decided she is too abusive to be part of my life. Admittedly, we've both had a tough year. Her husband died last summer and she's struggling with my mentally ill BIL. I suffered a traumatic birth, and a long recovery, and my father died. I know she's miserable and struggling and I sympathize but she's just been too cruel to me.
After the birth I was in such bad shape that we were desperate for help after my husband's paternity leave was over. That went terribly, as outlined in a previous post: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4394278-MILs-First-Visit
In light of our previous friendship and her current difficulties, I tried to smooth things over but she's continued to be abusive. She's since told me that the traumatic birth was my fault because "I'm too small" and she knew twenty years ago that I'd never be capable of giving birth. In fact, its been confirmed by several doctors that my induction and son's delivery was botched. I pulled away but later told her that she'd terribly hurt my feelings. She didn't apologize, but got mad at me for bringing it up! Then when my father died she told me that I should donate his body to science to save on burial costs. I ignored it. There have been a thousand lesser quips about my weight (too thin!), my home (too small!) etc. all of which I ignored.
This week was the last straw. My BIL has been severely mentally ill for fifteen years and she won't address it, allowing him to live with her without receiving treatment. Every three months there is an episode. On Tuesday night, my BIL got on a plane and flew to our state (we live in the US), and arrived on our doorstep unannounced, rambling, and delusional. The next day, my husband bought him a ticket home, but, in the midst of his delusion, he flew to San Francisco instead. An uncle who lives in SF finally got him home. This prompted me to call MIL and tell her that I'm willing to help if she's ready to get serious about getting my BIL psychiatric care. At first she seemed receptive but then declared that we should address it by providing him with "positive incentives," like a vacation with his brothers. She said she was going to ask him to make a wish list of incentives that would prompt him to improve. I told her that it was not acceptable to reward him for this behavior, but once he is in care we can provide rewards as he makes progress. She unleashed a tirade on me. I'm cruel, harsh, and keeping her sons apart. I'm selfish. I'm just trying to keep my DH at home with me and not with his brothers. The truth is her family is broken and it has nothing to do with me. I told her that I would not endure her abuse any longer and that she needs to seek therapy for her issues, and hung up. I've blocked her number.
I know I'm right. No one should have to put up with this. Nevertheless, it hurts. My DH is disgusted. He never speaks to her anyway but is writing her an email to let her know that this is all unacceptable.