I did a competition thing yesterday. WOD style.
I thought I was in good shape. I came 6th.
But two of the events my body failed me and I’m trying to reason why. My performance was weak and pathetic. I’m so embarrassed.
I went from a cardio exercise into squat and RDL with two dumbbells and then burpees (I had accepted before hand that the burpees wouldn’t be pretty as I’ve never done them before and I’m very tall).
After the cardio my body just would not squat. And normally I squat a lot- low weight lots of reps but also heavy (60kg) low reps.
I’m trying to work out why. A fair judgement was that I went all out on the cardio coming off that bit miles ahead of everyone else. But I also think with the loud music and crowds screaming did I have a panic attack. My body just would not do anything. I froze.
I walk average 15,000 steps Monday to Friday in my job. I work out lifting very heavy weights several times a week.
There’s two things I’d like help with.
A. What went wrong and how can I improve? I’m be working on cardio for sure.
B. I’m so unbelievably embarrassed. Two of the events I was a weak blubbering pathetic mess. I’m not even joking. It was mortifying. Begging to be able to stop and go home. Telling my judge I don’t want to be there.
Despite utter exhaustion i barely slept last night. I feel so unfit and fat and ugly as wasn’t in any of the photos. Realise this is self esteem and my problem ti deal with.
Please be kind. Everyone keeps telling me how well I’ve done. And I appreciate that and not been training for long so it’s great. But these are my real inner demons that I just need some tough love with.