Would you do this ?

[holymil]

I've recently taken to a new sport ( tennis ) which I'm very much enjoying. I've got a small baby, so really trying to get fit.

I have met a few people who are willing to play.

Some of those people are male, some are female. Occasionally I could be partaking with just another male. Playing singles, for example. Or it could be that I'm playing doubles with another male / males.

I don't see an issue with this at all. But I think my DP would find it problematic if I played singles against a male.

Would you/ your DP think this is inappropriate ?

I won't do it, because I know my DP will disapprove. But I don't see the harm at all.

What? Your partner would disapprove of you playing tennis against a man?

Why would anyone rational think that was inappropriate?

But I think my DP would find it problematic

because I know my DP will disapprove

Which is it? Do you know this or just think it?

Unless you're playing tonsil tennis I can't see the issue?

I definitely know if I told him I did it, or was planning it, he would be annoyed and think it's inappropriate. There's not even any point to bring it up. I just know he wouldn't like it.

You should be able to play against/with a woman or a man and your dh shouldn't even bat an eyelid.

What?! Your DH shouldn’t have any issue, whoever you play with, male or female. On the contrary, he should be pleased you’ve found a sport you like and have people to play with. My DH would be glad for me and postively encouraging.

Does he get to control what you do then? Or you’re not willing to risk making him unhappy? Doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.

Why is it inappropriate? You’re playing tennis, sure you can both resist the urge to have an affair.

Then your DP is odd and controlling. No, my DP would have no problem with it at all - why would he?

I'd be looking at my relationship very careful if my partner behaved like that. It's neither normal nor acceptable.

I don't play tennis so please explain if there's some risk of you falling on your opponent's penis?

Otherwise, I'm confused.

My DP wouldn’t like it, but tbh I would like him making arrangements to play tennis with single women either. So we just wouldn’t do it. I realise that in theory it should be a non issue, but in reality it might be, and valid feelings aren’t always completely rational.

Wouldn’t, obvs

I'm not sure why you can't play tennis with a man? Will you be naked in a bed?

Well, that's a DP problem then, as the saying goes.

I get doubles, but tbh playing against a man is pretty miserable as a woman who has just taken up tennis. They hit the ball so much harder than we can. (Misses the point entirely)

I wouldn't find it inappropriate and neither would my DH, because we understand sport and neither of us are controlling.

It's 2022... ?

Red flag. This is extremely controlling.

I see it as he is insecure and jealous, he’s deeming this as inappropriate because he doesn’t trust you and thinks you’re going to go off and cheat on him.

OR - he believes men and women shouldn’t play sport against one another because men are “stronger” so have an unfair advantage.

Either way. Both red flags. Both ridiculous.

I couldn’t be with a man who doesn’t trust me and or thinks this is inappropriate.

And you've just had a baby with this control freak?

How would you feel if he was playing tennis with a woman btw?

Is it 2022 or 1822.

You're in an abusive relationship please leave.

I definitely know if I told him I did it, or was planning it, he would be annoyed and think it's inappropriate.

There is no way on this earth that I would ever accept that from any so called 'partner'. As an adult, it is very important to me that I own my own choices.

He may indeed make different choices. He would be foolish to show any 'annoyance' at my different choices. I would listen to his reasons and consider that I might be wrong and might change my mind. We have been together for over three decades and have both, once or twice in that time, changed our minds.

Any suggestion that one of us should or even could control the other is ridiculous.

Thinking about more deeply, why does he disapprove. Does he honestly imaging that the only thing keeping you from having sex with your tennis partners is that you never have the opportunity. Because, that's sort of what he is suggesting and, really, it's pretty insulting to you, isn't it?

God how depressing, I couldn't be with a man like this.

Why on earth would he disapprove? Does he not trust you around the opposite sex?

I honestly can't see an issue with this.

I would (if I liked tennis!) and my DH wouldn't mind. DH and I both dance; we go to classes together and independently where we dance with the opposite sex.