Love 2 men

[Lovestruckagain]

I'm probably going to get slammed for this.
I spent 30 years with my previous partner and at times he would really wind me up and stress me out with certain aspects of his behavior. I split with him after meeting somebody else who has been really easy going kind and caring opposite of ex although I can't say ex was all bad.
I still care for my ex and we spend time together as friends my current partner knows about this and is okay about it.
My problem is I love them both and can't be without either of them in my life.
What you guys think I've been with current partner 7 years. We are all getting on 45 plus

I really don't see the issue?!

There’s no infidelity

Because I love and care for both and its not normal is it

Presumably you also love and care for other friends and family members too? It doesn't have to be a romantic love just because it once was.

Is it that your feelings for your ex are deeper than your partner realises?

Really all you can do I suppose is to keep those feelings firmly to yourself, if you really do want / need both men in your life.

I don't see the problem? You and ex didn't work out as partners but you are good friends. You're transparent about this and DP is fine. If you genuinely don't want more with ex then enjoy both relationships for what they are and keep everything out in the open. Keep interactions appropriate- no sleepovers etc. Does ex want more, is that the issue?

I have a great friend who is an ex. We would never have worked out but are very fond mates. No desire on either side to repeat history. My boyfriend has met him and knows the story

Usually people cut off completely

emotional infidelity?

But the current partner must surely realise that there will be old feelings there.

Is your new partner besotted with you OP and afraid of losing you? Are you taking advantage?

When they've been cheated on it's not unusual to cut someone off completely, yes.

But he hasn't and you're still friends.

Stop looking for problems where there aren't any, unless (and it's just a thought), you're secretly pissed off that your current partner isn't jealous?

Is it not?

You we’re with someone 30 years and still in friendly terms (wether I think you shouldn’t be is irrelevant) you don’t want to get back with and don’t want to sleep with him. It not unusual to still have some feelings for someone who has been a huge part of your life.

your Boyfriend is fine with the friendship

whats not normal?

Me and ex go out for meals etc and I explained to current partner that I can't just sever contact as we was together 30 years had a son together and it wasn't always bad and now ex is on his own.

I think its really sad that the norm is do go to intimate part of your life for decades to no contact. Good on you for maintaining the friendship (provided that is all it is).

Even our son clashes with his dad due to some of his behaviour but tolerates him better now he has moved to uni.

Thank you some kind posts on here

No taking advantage of and appreciate current partner for accepting the friendship

So you have a partner who you’re happy with and have a friendly relationship with your ex. I’m failing to see what the problem is.

You really do not need to feel guilty. I'm still friends with some of my exes and my partner and I even socialise with some of hers.
We still love and care for those people because they were once important and significant people in our lives. Neither of us see this as any threat to our relationship which we know is rock solid.
If no-one has any issue with it just carry on and be glad that your current partner is smart enough not to be petty about a relationship which is no threat to yours.

If your son is uni age there's no need to be in regular contact with his dad if you're uncomfortable with it

You can still love someone but not be in love with them. Two different things, you are lucky your current partner is OK with this set up as I would struggle personally. If everyone is happy all around then there is no issue here unless you have romantic feelings for the ex. If you do then you need to walk away or make a hard decision and cut him out.

I'm exactly in the same situation OP. Minus the guilt.

My ex is a very very dear friend, as well as his girlfriend. We don't live in the same country, each time I'm back home they're the first people I call and arrange to meet.

Both our partners are perfectly ok with it, there's no awkwardness whatsoever, neither my ex nor me have any intention to go back together one day, that kind of romantic love is gone forever.

Sounds like you've got the best of both worlds. Enjoy it. I'm sure a lot of people would love this arrangement and for partner to be OK with it
Although I have a hunch the guilt is because you have stronger feelings for your ex then you're letting on. If current partner knew about this I doubt they'd be so tolerant

Is there a reason you and DP were discussing you severing ties with ex? Has he indicated he'd like you to?