To feel so ashamed?

[ohmano]

I have had an awful week, death in the family, water damage to home, I've been ill and it's just been a complete write off.

Last night I planned to have a few glasses of wine in the house before dinner but I polished off the bottle. I got very emotional, called my mum and started crying/blaming my mum about things that happened when I was a teenager.

I don't know what got into me and I can't believe I did that to her when she is grieving herself. These things aren't even things I think about day to day. I am very happy generally, this week has been hard but I have a good life and know it could be worse.

I apologised to my mum this morning and explained that I didn't mean those things and I hope she doesn't think I hold any resentment towards her. She was so lovely and basically said it's okay we all have emotional moments, she realised I'd had a drink and it's forgotten about. She then phoned me to see how I was.

But still, I feel so ashamed, I have this knot in my stomach and just hate to think I stressed her in any way last night when I should be supporting her after the death of her parent. I feel awful.

AIBU?

Sounds like you have a lovely mum. I’d try to move on from it, she says it’s forgotten, so maybe just try and spend some time with her and do something to support her after her bereavement.
everyone has a bad day and sounds like
she understands that

She’s your mum, she loves you, she knows you’d had a few and she’s forgiven you , as a loving mum would. She’ll no more hold it against you than I do my two shouting that they hate me in an angry teen rant.

Get her some flowers and go easy on yourself. 💐

Your mum sounds lovely.

Grief + wine rarely manifest themselves in positive ways and it sounds like your mum didn't take any of it to heart.

I'm so sorry for your loss, please go easy on yourself 💐

@CatsEatDogs yes she is so fantastic and lovely that's why I feel so guilty if I have upset her in any way especially during this difficult time for her.

I can understand that but you can’t change what’s done. Just do something to show how much you love her, spend time with her. There’s nothing else you can do. She said it’s fine and rang you to see how you were so she totally understands

Wow what an incredible mum you have. Don't feel bad, it's been a hard week and she understands. Send her a wee card to let her know how much that means to you - I hope things get better for you all soon.

Be kind to yourself. Grief is a difficult road to travel, and alcohol isn't a good companion. Your mum understands and has forgiven you. Now forgive yourself.

It's done your mum has forgiven you.
You will achieve absolutely nothing whatsoever by going over and over it in your mind.
Accept you said what you said,accept your mum's forgiveness ,but her some flowers if you'd like to/can afford it,then put it right out of your mind for good.🌈

Subconsciously you did this because you know you can - you’re secure in the fact she loves you and would forgive you even though you weren’t consciously aware of it. A bit like teenagers who lash out at those closest because they are a whirlwind of emotion and they know it’s safe, they’ll be forgiven.

you had a lot going on, your emotions needed an outlet. Not ideal, but we’ve all done this kind of thing one way or another and by the sounds of it your mum completely understood this.I understand the knot of anxiety though I get this after any kind of upset. It will pass but you need to forgive yourself!

How about buy her some flowers or some of her favourite bits to really show you mean it? My mum would be the same as your mum, she is lovely

It could of course mean that subconsciously you do resent her for things that happened in the past, but you are right in now not being the time, when emotions are raw. Perhaps some point in the future, you could discuss?
I am expecting a call like yours in the future, would respond just as your mum has, but in my case my DD would have right on her side. I apologise to her all the time but she has every right to be resentful.

She loves you and she knows you love her.
We all behave badly sometimes.

Go spend some time with her if she is close by, you'll both feel better xxx big hugs