A few major issues:
- asked multiple times for her not to use a very old car seat she found on the street for our kids. Offered her my car seats to use when she needs them. Ignored multiple times and continues to use said car seats / not tell me when she takes our kids out in the car.
- my son is now too big for her bike seat. Exceeding the weight limit by 4kg - asked her not to use it with him, she obviously still uses it
- ask her not to feed my kids certain foods or add salt to their meals (one has a dairy intolerance) and she is still giving both salt and dairy to both my children.
- constantly criticises me.. about how I dress the kids, what I feed them, what they drink.. for example: I shouldn’t give the kids sugar free squash, I need to be giving them fresh made peppermint tea instead. She doesn’t believe in eating carbs with fruit so I shouldn’t do that either. She doesn’t like the clothes I buy them or how I dress them (I always dress them weather appropriately and nicely styles - she buys clothes for the kids sometimes from second hand markets, and when I’ll use a hat or pair of shoes that I brought she asks why I don’t put them in the things she has brought) also I don’t ask for the clothes she buys.
- she says unkind things about me, in front of me to her daughter. I am not a native speaker of her language so I guess she thinks I don’t understand.
- rude and unsupportive - when my mum died she said to me in no uncertain terms that ‘it could have been worse’. I had a terrible birth experience with my daughter - she tells me it’s normal and I should essentially stop making a big deal about it.
- tells me how to decorate and clean my own house!
- tells my children they shouldn’t cry and generally dismissive towards their emotions.
I have three children under 4 and life has been very stressful. Am suffering from major health issues and until recently had all three kids at home with me all day. I was desperate for help and took the 4 hours a week she was offering. My eldest is now in nursery all week and things are easier. The kids do enjoy going there but I just feel her disregard for what I say, their safety and emotional well-being, I need to put my foot down. my partner has also spoken to her about a number of these things and it is somewhat better received but ultimately still ignored. AIBU to say she can’t see the kids until she can learn to respect me?