Work issues

[Whattodowhen]

I’ve been pulled up on a piece of work this week, it apparently took longer than it should and lacked detail. I’m mortified. I have never been questioned about the quality of my work before but to be honest I knew I haven’t been performing to my best ability.

I started this new role after my second mat leave just over a year ago with the expectation/hope that it would be similar to returning after my first mat leave. Which had its challenges but I managed to make it work well. Now what I wasn’t expecting was that my second child does not sleep. I also had PND and PTSD diagnosed from a previous traumatic baby loss mid term. On top of that this year has been particularly difficult with my husband working away a lot and away weekends, so the majority of family life falls on to me, plus family bereavements, illnesses etc and I have been suffering with a lot of anxiety and getting easily stressed. I haven’t shared any of this with work (or many people really) I think I have become quite withdrawn and have worked from home a lot when I can and if I’m completely honest, work has not been my priority. I have struggled with concentration and focus at times as I just have so much going round in the head all the time.

I know how this could look to work, that I’m not commited etc and now the quality of my work is being questioned I just feel like calling it quits and getting another job to start again. I know that’s not the answer though. It’s been a bit of a kick up the arse to get myself sorted out and prioritise work a bit more.

I feel like I need a conversation with my boss to explain a few things but I don’t know how far to go with the detail, so:

YABU tell you boss what has been going on to explain why previous work might not be up to standard and then try and pull it around

YANBU don’t tell your boss any personal details but start putting in the extra effort

I can't vote on the app and I will caveat this by saying that I don't know your work's atmosphere or attitude to mental health but I would always be on the side of telling your boss what is going on.

I could have written your post a couple of years ago. Different reasons but ultimately the same results-lack of concentration, high stress levels, lots going on at home, ptsd etc etc. When I eventually came clean to my boss it was a huge relief. I was referred to occupational health, a plan was made, I had regular meetings with my boss (who was lovely) to ensure I wasn't drowning in work and my work was adjusted to ensure that I wasn't taking on more than I could cope with. They couldn't have done more to try and make it better for me. Ultimately your work have a responsibility to ensure that you are healthy and ok whilst you are employed with them and that includes your mental health. Some employers needs reminding of this so it may be prudent to ensure you have back up before going to your boss (eg do you have a strong Hr dept or an occupational health dept you can talk to first, or do you have union membership? It shouldn't be necessary but sadly it sometimes is)

For me unfortunately my issues ran much deeper than they/I were able to fix and I ended up having to take a career break (I returned to work in Sept after 8 months not working to a much 'easier' job and in all honesty im still struggling) but that wasn't the fault of my employers. If my issues had been 'normal' stress then I think they would have worked perfectly but I've got a lot of complex things going on! So please do reach out, there is a lot that can be put in place to support you.

Also, if you're really not coping at the moment there is also the option of being signed off for a little while to catch your breath, get some counselling going etc. I know that there's a monetary factor to be considered there of course but your health is valuable. Better to take a short amount of time off now than be so burnt out that you can't work at all.

Best of luck to you, it's a horrible place to be in but it doesn't have to last forever

Doing a business leadership course atm...yabu..please discuss with your manager so they can help you.

Thank you.

The company do champion all kinds of mental health support. Ironically I returned to my desk after my chat with the boss to an email about stress awareness day!

My boss however is 50s professional boarding school educated male whose wife stayed at home with the kids, so I question how understanding he would be of my issues.

Please talk to your boss, do explain and ask for some of the support the company offers. If it helps write yourself some notes to take in with you - and - it doesn’t matter what his background is it’s important he focussed on you. Good luck.

In your meeting make sure you're writing notes/ minutes....say you want to follow company procedure and policy properly as hopefully this will achieve a positive outcome for you both. Tell him you'll be making notes so you can remember what you need to do to follow the procedures/ policy and then tell him all your problems....and hopefully he'll keep any stupid clueless stuff in his head, treat you with the respect your due...because he knows you'll be documenting it.

Thanks all. Could I ask how you think is best to approach my boss with this. I feel like if I ask for a chat I wouldn’t get all the information I need to in or would end up getting upset about it in front of him. I could send an email first and ask for a meeting with the background information in the email. My only issue with this is that I think a colleague may have access to his emails for work purposes so it is likely she would see this too.

I could text his work mobile but there’s a lot of information to get over by text I think

YABU

Workplaces can’t support you if they aren’t aware of what you have on.

You need to be as open as possible so they can see what options are available to help

Don't text. Have a proper meeting.

You can tell him that you've been through a difficult time at home but totally accept that your work hasn't been as productive and have started to put some strategies in place to remedy to it, that work is important to you and you want to do well.

Don't go into any further detail. He won't be interested and will see it as you trying to make excuses. Focus on the future.

So I spoke to my boss and as predicted it didn’t help. In fact it got worse to the point I self referred for counselling. He completely turned on me despite appearing sympathetic but ended up recognising my weakness and micro managing, nit picking my work even more and belittling me. I really lost my confidence with it and questioned my abilities and whether I should leave that sector after 18 years! But…with a bit of self evaluation and support through counselling I got another job doing a similar role but in a different environment and I got great pleasure handing in my notice and leaving. Not before I gave HR my full and frank reasons for doing so. Turns out they knew what he was like, but what are they doing about it?! Not my problem now. I’ve done my bit. So I’m discharged from counselling and seems I didn’t realise how much that environment was affecting me. I can’t quite get my head around how nice my new colleagues are and that I even put up with it but when you’re low it’s so difficult to see a way out. I can’t really see my original post as me talking and hopefully I’ll not be in that place again.