To not want the fact the DH cooks held against me?!

[Gwdihooooo]

My dh does a lot of the cooking when he home from work… he works away 3 weeks on 3 weeks off. So naturally he’s in the house after picking up dd from school so he often starts the dinner.

I get in from work at half 5. When he’s away at work I obviously cook for me and dc (2 of them)… and clean up afterwards.

I show general, normal appreciation by saying thanks and doing the dishes/cleaning the kitchen… which he leaves in a state btw!

But he mutters comments about how he ‘does everything’ even though he knows that’s not true. Like he’s expecting me to drop everything I’m doing and help him because I should be grateful.

It really fucks me off that he thinks the effort he puts is greater than mine.

Sorry, I’m not making sense and I’m ranting

What do you say when he mutters these things? Do you say, clearly and categorically, that they aren’t true? If not, why not?

A common common occurrence. A lot of men like cooking, play their shitty music & make a mess...
Then protest that they do everything. Don't let him cook. Do it yourself & then let him clean the fucking toilet. Funny how they never want to do that.
Prick.

Cooking isn’t doing everything is it? And leaving the place a mess and expecting a medal for feeding the family????

Make him a medal? Offer to show him where to shove it?

I'd suggest you go away for 3 weeks and HE minds the kids, cleans, cooks, washes on his own the entire time!!!

Right... so he does 'everything' 50% of the time?

Tell him that sounds pretty fair to you, and sit back with your feet up to enjoy watching him!

Challenge him every time. He sees it as your job and that he is just helping.

Why you are tolerating this bullshit, I have no idea. Your husband is an arsehole.

I do! I’ve just had a go at him saying how untrue that actually is. And how much it makes me feel like shit

It shouldn’t make you feel like shit, as it’s clearly nonsense. It should annoy you.

What was his response?

Hoe did he respond?

We used to have the exact same set up @Gwdihooooo my dh worked at sea for 3 weeks and home for 3weeks and he did all (mostly) the cooking when he was home but never complained as I did it while he was gone and he loved deciding what eat as he never had a choice on the ship. I did the clean up like you as it was the fairest way to do it. Funnily enough now he works at home all the time and he does most of the cooking still 😆 but I do the clean up and all laundry etc. We both work the same hours now so it’s fair enough. Your dh needs to realize that you need a break too.

When we had a new kitchen, DD started trying to work out who used it most, tallying up who cooks which days. Washing up and cleaning the kitchen (which are generally down to me) were not included - and DH did not point out the omission. I don't mind our division of labour, but it is galling when some tasks aren't noticed!

So you manage to hold down a job and all absolutely everything alone 39 weeks a year and he's home and has to help 13 weeks of the year and he's the one complaining that he cooks 7 nights out of every 28?;cheeky twat.

I don't mind our division of labour, but it is galling when some tasks aren't noticed!

So, why didn’t you ask for them to be included?

I’m not tolerating it… i told him to fuck off and exactly how i felt

Apologies I've just seen it's 3 weeks away then 3 weeks at home;even so you're still doing it alone approximately half of the year.The other half of the year it's both of you so you're still do 75% of everything

It does annoy me more than it makes me feel like shit. Because we both know it’s not true!

He came in to the bedroom after about an hour to try an give me a hug and get me on side. So I told him calmly exactly how I was feeling and he just walked out saying ‘bet you’re glad you got that off your chest’
So I’m refusing to be in the same room with him again.

He has a real issue with apologising and admitting he was wrong so I’m worried that this may turn in to a power struggle as all I want is him to acknowledge what he said was bullshit… but his way of acknowledging that is without words… basically trying to give me hugs and buy me chocolate

Basically!

But as he hates working offshore I am always the one with the better deal

I knew you lot would understand, I knew there’d be other dh’s like this. It’s pathetic

Oh I did, after waiting with amusement to see if they thought of it for themselves!

He chose his career. That’s not on you.

Excellent!