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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this set up with my ex isn't working?

11 replies

notonthemainstreet · 05/11/2022 19:18

Me and my ex share a daughter and two dogs. My daughter is at her dads every second weekend and one night every week. The dogs are with me except one weekend in the month when they go to my exes.

The dogs are really well behaved at my house, never a problem. At times they bark but a quick 'hiy' from me and they stop. They listen to me, they follow me and they have a good routine. For instance at night when it's bedtime, they know the routine.

However, my ex has started to complain that they are behaving badly at his house. Ignoring him, refusing to go out for their pee before bed etc and he's getting exasperated.

I have suggested that maybe he is not spending enough one on one time/training with them and have also suggested that they just don't go to his anymore. But he disagrees and claims it's something I'm doing wrong?

I'm sick to the back teeth of being told I haven't trained the dogs properly, they're bad dogs etc when I have no problems with them here at all and I have worked hard on their training. He is saying that changes need to be made at my house.

His idea of caring for dogs is locking them up in crates whereas I have never crate trained them, and I'm not about to start to suit him.

Could it just be that the dogs don't enjoy going to his house and so are acting out?

OP posts:
notonthemainstreet · 05/11/2022 19:49

Oi

OP posts:
notonthemainstreet · 05/11/2022 19:52

Sorry I meant 'bump'

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 05/11/2022 19:56

He sounds useless so I'd just stop handing the dogs over to him.

thelobsterquadrille · 05/11/2022 19:58

Why are you handing the dogs over to him
when they spend 99% of their time with you?

Sounds like a silly arrangement all round.

HOTHotPeppers · 05/11/2022 19:59

I don't understand why they are going to his to be locked in a crate when they are happy at home. Tell him to piss off.

pastabakeonaplate · 05/11/2022 20:00

Stop the overnight stays for the dogs. He can come and walk them from yours or something.

FinallyHere · 05/11/2022 20:02

he disagrees and claims it's something I'm doing wrong

Well, he would say that, wouldn't he.

SnarkyBag · 05/11/2022 20:03

Ridiculous situation. dogs don’t need access arrangements. Very cruel for them to be crated at his when they’re not crate trained. Time to stop the weekend stays IMO.

BertieQueen · 05/11/2022 20:14

How old are the dogs? Surely he knows their routine from when he lived with you and them altogether?

tbh a shared custody arrangement over a dog/s isn’t going to work especially when you have them a majority of the time and he has them 1 weekend a month. Dogs are probably confused at being away from home and suddenly stuck in a crate.

Just tell him straight the dogs are with you from now on and your more than happy to let him walk them when he wants.

Brigante9 · 05/11/2022 20:18

I’d think it’s very unsettling for them to be sent to him one weekend a month. I’m not sure my lot would cope. I have to manhandle (obviously very gently!) my lot out for last wees when they’re settled at night. Would he agree to not have them? Or do you appreciate the break? I admit, I like my DH doing earlies because I then get a tiny lie in.

Theunamedcat · 05/11/2022 20:24

Is this something court ordered?

(My ex step mother had it in the divorce decree that he feed and fund her dogs till end of life I was actually impressed by this clause because my dad "promises" and doesnt deliver!)

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