To go to away for a long weekend with the girls whilst DH has the children?

[Sfuandtired]

I have the chance to go away with the girls for a long weekend to New York, DH has said to go for it and he’ll look after the kids ( 2 DS aged 11 and 16), we’d be using a travel voucher we got during Covid and I have some spending money already saved, we also have a family holiday booked together for a few months later.
It sounds like a no brainier but I feel incredibly guilty about it and as though I shouldn’t be doing it, I’m the primary carer for the boys and a very involved ( possibly too much so) parent and much as I’d love to go it feels wrong, in my position what would you do? AIBU if I go?

Would you have genuinely not gone if some posters had said you were being unreasonable?

Go for it you deserve the break. They are old enough and your dh can take care of them fine.

Honestly, with a 16 year old in the house you can practically leave them alone without an adult for a long weekend! You need to learn to be without them, especially if 16YO is planning to go to uni or move out in a few years.

11 and 16 months, you mean? If it's years, how much 'primary caretaking' is there? If a significant amount, you definitely should go and cut the apron strings.

I’m assuming this is a reverse or something. If not: yep OP, totally unreasonable to leave a 16 year old in the care of his dad for two days. How ever will he cope without you?

@Sfuandtired have you not had a single night away from your family in 16 years? Honestly, I'm really surprised if so.

Has your husband?

It's totally normal and natural to have time away from your kids if it's possible for you. Usually well before they're in their teens!

I thought you were going to say they were toddlers. Yes!!! Go!!!! It will be healthy for all of you and good for you to miss them.

Primary caretaker??

Not sure if you should go. Are you going to be going on about your poor baby boys that you’ve left alone the whole time? You sound like you have the potential to be an absolute fun sponge. Maybe stay home for the sake of your friends.

Why would you feel guilty about leaving your children with their father? If you and DH separated would you feel guilty when they were in his care?
You are a parent, no more or no less of a parent than their father.
Go, enjoy yourself.
My DC are under 2 and both my DH and I often have weekends away with our friends leaving the other one to parent our children. Caring for our children is what we signed for when we had them.

I go away and my dp looks after dc - and he's not their father. Absolutely go and have fun

I understand your guilty feeling despite their age. My kids are 12, 14 and 16, and I still feel like a bad mum when I'm not around for them because I tend to do most of the parenting and they do tend to rely on me (probably too much) to remind them of stuff they're supposed to do/take etc.
But I still think you should go, it'll be good for you, your DH and for the kids.

Go.

This.

Get your bag packed and f* off woman. And remember some very comfy shoes / trainers. Lot of ground to cover in NY.

And this is why DH and I have gone on holiday without DD since she was about 2 and a half. I am very aware that we have had the privilege of parents who were happy to have her for several nights in a row but getting a kid to 16 and still feeling guilty about leaving them is madness.

You really thought that people would tell you that you would be unreasonable to go?

Why? Why would you think that?

Has your DH never parented his own children on his own?

I think it’s bizarre to even be asking whether it’s ok, why would it not be?

Wow some posts on this thread (including OP) is like from another world for me. I've 'left' the DC with their other parent overnight as soon as they were no longer EBF. And while mine are still younger, pretty sure my own mother did very little caretaking when I was 11, never mind 16.

Go, they need to start managing their own stuff.

I've been leaving mine with her dad for a week at a time since she was about 6 (and with dad and grandma at 3). When she was 12 I went away for the weekend without even leaving any written instructions - there were places she needed to be taken, but she knew what and when, and could organise her dad.

Go!

I thought you were going to say they were under 5. The eldest will be going to uni soon

This. Please say this isn't the first time you've been away from DC overnight in 16 years?

1000% go. I would have have been to NYC twice without my kids. I actually took them earlier this year on way back from Orlando and they enjoyed it, but made me realise they don’t appreciate it at their age. I’ve always had holidays with friends, aswell as family holidays. I’m darbs76 aswell as mum, and don’t feel bad for that at all.

I voted YABU because they're 11 and 16! Bloody hell go!

my son’s just gone to Uni and I’ve seen some posts on a parents group basically suggesting they need medication from the GP to cope, no exaggeration. One mother was distraught that her DD wasn’t phoning her all the time and wasn’t telling her everything that was she doing, or who her new friends all were. I think that’s actually really sad, and not fair on the child to have that responsibility for making her mum happy. So please, have a life aswell as being mum as one day your kids won’t need you anymore. My DS is having a ball at Uni and whilst I miss him I’m enjoying not cooking his dinner or doing his washing every night!

GO! Have a great time and know your husband is one of the good ones.

Have you never had a weekend away without the kids in 16 years?