Always feel guilty for having a good life

[Freehotchocolate]

It's not perfect by any means, no life is, and I've had problems, bullying, loneliness, abusive relationship, I've lost relatives etc.
However I work part-time as a care assistant and I feel guilty every time I work with my patients.
Some are essentially just bedbound and waiting to die, spouse passed away, some are lucky to have relatives, some are completely alone. just feel bad that I am healthy, have a reasonable income, can go on holiday etc. And they never leave their home or care home.
I also think a lot of people like Deborah James and Sarah Harding, and feel guilty about them too, what it must have felt like to be terminally ill.
I know life isn't a given and anything could happen to any of us.
Maybe this is an anxiety thing? It's largely from my job, I'm pleased to be helping these people but just feel overwhelming sadness too.
How do you not feel this way?

I can't generalise and assume that all the people I look after are unhappy. I mean I just feel guilt about their loss of independence, illness and loneliness.

How about reframing this as feeling very lucky that things are currently going well for you and you are in a position to bring some kindness and care in to the lives of people who are in a less fortunate position now? Many of them will have had joy in their lives in the past.

We all know that the future is uncertain so just be content that life is good and you can also make a difference to others.

Yes you're right, hopefully we are bringing them some joy. They will have hopefully led happy lives too.

You're using your good health to help people in those awful situations. You are making their lives, and perhaps their family's lives better - more then you properly know.

I'm recently bereaved. My long term DP died having spent a few years bedbound by a life limiting illness. Without his wonderful carers, I couldn't have worked or gone out at all for any length of time; I couldn't have taken our DC out.

I'll be eternally grateful to the carers who were so kind and caring.

Honour your clients by living well. ❤

What a really odd thing to say. People aren't always born in these unfortunate situations. How do you know that in a decade, a year or even tomorrow that you won't be involved in an accident that leaves you bedbound, or you won't develop breast cancer like Sarah Harding?

What a baseless and stupid post.

Sounds like anxiety. You’re not alone in feeling this way. Growing up I used to feel bad that I had more than some of my peers, even though equally, I’m sure some peers had more than me!

You sound like a lovely humble person who doesn’t take anything for granted and I think that means you’re perfect for the job you’re doing.

I'm so sorry to hear about your DP, it's great that he received such good care

Thank you, I'll just keep on seeing it like that and it's reassuring to hear others have felt this way

I think you are overly empathic which was what probably drew you to care work. I’m the same, in the end I had to leave as I just found it all too sad. I just couldn’t bare to witness the loneliness day in and day out. I also think of others like Deborah but have to keep it all in check for the sake of my own well-being.

@Keyansier

No you’re wrong. It is not a stupid post. It’s an insightful post and touches on emotions that people feel working within health and social care. You clearly have no idea what you’re talking about.

I definitely am that, and have known a couple of people leave care work as it was too much for them.
You're right about keeping it in check, I should try to do it more

Life is short and unpredictable. Enjoy it while you can, you never know what is round the corner.

if you listen to the people you care for a stories some will have had amazing lives. But I if you’re lucky enough you will grow old too and your word will narrow. That’s life.

@Keyansier What?! How on earth have you interpreted a post from an op who is clearly very empathetic of her patients situations to a 'stupid post'?!

Op it must be heartbreaking seeing your patients like this, but small acts of kindness can and will make a huge difference to their day. You are clearly a very caring person and it's people like you who are needed in the role.

You are a true empath OP.

You can't do anything about a strangers problems, so thats an area of empathy I would work on to reduce. Feeling like you do adds unecessary stress to yourself, so it's not good for you.

For your patients/clients, you being there brings them company and solace. Bless you.

No, I totally get it, OP i work with people in veey difficult situations, who have frequently had horrific lives up to this point. I do often feel that the comparison between their lives and mine makes me so grateful for what I have.

Ive been nursing for just shy of 40 years and have seen many many heart breaking situations. I try and think what would I want if I was in this situation how would I want to be treated or what if it was my mother/father /husband/child how would I want the nurses/carers/doctors etc treat them. We are in a privileged position we are paid to care for people, to show empathy compassion and kindness often at peoples worse times in their lives, by doing this we can make a real positive difference to people whether they have a few hours to live or many years. This is why I turn up and do the job despite of the difficulties and why I cannot do anything else (despite trying). I've laughed and cried with patients and their families; celebrated when they've got better and put my arms around and cried with those how don't or wont.
So many many people permanently etched in my memory and yes I do sometimes think how lucky I am but this doesn't stop me from caring about those who are less fortunate. You, me and my colleagues we really can make a difference, and this is what makes it the best job in the world.

Amazing post@tiredwardsister

Op, you will bring so much comfort to those you care for. Cherish yourself and never feel guilty. I feel guilty i cant do your job.

And what is the point of your unpleasant post?

“Oh the good life…”

Noone can ever be complacent. We don't know what the future holds so enjoy the day. Op, you sound lovely but are you in the right job?

@Freehotchocolate My mum was in a care home until her death in the summer. When she was well enough, when she first went to the home, (she had Alzheimers) she was teaching the carers how to dance, they bought her a dancing dress with their own money because she loved to dance so much. I can't praise them highly enough, know that the work you do is SO appreciated, bless you. x

I am assuming most of your clients are elderly, if so then most of us IF we live to old age will end up with carers etc.

Its the reality of ageing.

Enjoy your youth.

If you are making a contribution through your work, your family etc, no one can ask for more.

I have cried with the parents of a child that died and an hour later celebrated with other parents the successful end of their child's treatment for cancer. I haven't forgotten the former (or the latter) but it doesn't cause me any anxiety. The only thing that causes me anxiety is not being able to do the my job properly, I hate it when time and pressure means that I cannot spend the time I want to caring for patients and their families.

I wouldn't underestimate what you add to society by being a good care assistant.

The care assistants that made Christmas special in my nans care home, and the hospice carers who looked after my dad, they were all good souls and I wish them every happiness.