Minor issues make me spiral?

[thracks]

I'm only just fully realising how bad I am for this today - and now I'm wondering - is this a MH problem, or a negative personality trait?

Anytime anything happens (anything getting broken in the house, malfunctioning car, slight financial worry, forgetting to do something important...), my mind absolutely spirals into such an awful stress.

This stress stops me from eating properly, stops me looking after myself, I get behind on chores and it's pretty much all I can talk about to anyone for days.
When I look at it from an outside perspective (like this morning), it's often seen as disproportionate to what is actually happening.
And even if I can see some potential solutions, it's like I lose the energy to even focus on them and solve the issue because I get so lost in just feeling like life isn't even worth it and I'm just tired of trying.

I appreciate this sounds shitty. But I am debating whether this is a character flaw or a mental issue and I'm looking for advice for anyone who has potentially experienced similar?

I think it’s a but of both. But if small things are sending you into such a negative spiral I wonder if your day to day base level of stress is too high?

As a side note: I am someone who has been through several major life setbacks which don't knock me nearly as much as the minor issues.

I see myself as a tough person who has got through a lot in life, but then when I'm crying on the floor because of something that can technically be sorted I think... what on earth???

It could be a combination of both, and they probably feed each other, but it doesn't matter if it's a 'mental health issue' or a 'character flaw', as either way these are things you can absolutely work and improve upon if you wish to do so.

Have you undergone any type of therapy, particularly CBT? It does work well for people who easily fall into cognitive biases such as black or white thinking, catastrophising, etc. Then of course it sounds like this is impacting your mood beyond your control, which is a very common thing as well.

Please note I'm not a mental health specialist and I'm just talking from my own experience!

You sound overwhelmed, and maybe burnt out? When did you notice this starting?

Don’t be hard on yourself about this - it’s great you are paying attention to yourself and your feelings and that way you will learn the best action to support yourself.

@40andfit that is a really good point. My stress levels in everyday life are generally high!

@iloveorange I have been in therapy through the NHS this year actually and we discussed my tendency to catastrophise my worries but I unfortunately didn't feel like I'd improved by the time my sessions had finished.

@ToFindNewWays honestly I've probably done it for about 5 years, but I've only noticed how much of an issue it is this morning in a conscious way as I'm in the cycle of depression and feeling like life isn't worth it over something that's probably going to get sorted right now.

Do you have kids, and if so what age/s?

Sometimes children getting to certain ages can trigger emotional stuff for us when we were that age. But ignore if you are happily child free!

@ToFindNewWays 2 children - both under 6!

No idea OP but I will be following with interest as I could have written your post word for word!
I don't stress the big stuff (and I mean big stuff!) at all, my car needs an MOT soon and I can't stop thinking about the logistics 🙄
It's like I hyper focus on the small stuff to avoid thinking about the big stuff.....is that familiar to you OP?

Google neurotic personality type, it describes me to an absolute tee and sounds like you might be similar

@ThinkingForEveryone oh god, maybe? I have no idea. I just know the little stuff feels like my life is just not even worth living. DP has watched me grow through horrendous things while keeping my head up and getting on with everything, while also watching me burst into tears and cry for days because my car has had an issue! It sounds crazy when I put it into words whereas in my head it just feels so stressful.

@OnlyFannys I'm going to look it up!

@OnlyFannys as a follow up... 100% to all of it

As a side note: I am someone who has been through several major life setbacks which don't knock me nearly as much as the minor issues.

Big clue that you could have unprocessed trauma or grief? So when tiny things happen, it could be emotionally triggering you back to the bigger things in the past.

It could be that your CBT has only addressed the surface and not really got to the root of what you’re being triggered back to.

Have a google of black and white thinking,
Pete Walker on emotional flashbacks

Mental health is a sliding scale, so we all have bits of trauma or even borderline tendencies to some extent so I wouldn’t get too bogged down in whether it’s a character flaw or label or condition or a personality trait etc. There was a really good podcast about that recently - I’ll dig it out.

If you’ve been through some intense things and coped and compartmentalised, it makes sense that the little things - which aren’t so crucially important - allow some of that built up stress to emerge.

Plus two kids under six is a big energy draw at the best of times!

* sliding scale disclaimer again!! * I’m not saying you have BPD!

Being Well podcast - episode 215

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/being-well-with-dr-rick-and-forrest-hanson/id1120885936?i=1000570293033

One of the most important and challenging skills we can develop is learning to regulate our strong emotions. While it’s very natural to have fluctuations in how we feel about others and ourselves, for some people these ups and downs are particularly intense. At clinical levels, this is known as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
BPD is characterized by a pattern of instability in a person’s emotions, moods, behavior, self-image, and relationships. BPD is fairly common, and it's even more common for "borderline-y tendencies" to show up in our lives. On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore what to do when these tendencies show up, how to cultivate a healthy balance of sensitivity and tolerance to distress, regulating and nurturing ourselves, and how to navigate relationships with others when they exhibit borderline tendencies.

This is totally me. I got a letter yest that car needs MOT & sent me into a dip.

Check you're not perimenopausal as I've been less bad since starting HRT. Also been depressed & grieving after a tough year so hard to sort out what's due to what. Good luck 💐

@thracks I do manage to hide it quite well but it's a horrible feeling, I sympathise completely!
Everyone says I'm a strong person and I laugh a little inside......I'm just thankful they can't see inside my head!
Maybe totally off track but do you have frequent nightmares.....I have them and I assume they are stress related.

I'm similar, people would consider me a strong person, gone through a lot of major events with very little support but something small makes me feel down for days. I think it's like a glass full of water (the major stresses, being burnt out, however you like to name it) and little things send you over the edge like the water spilling. Sorry I don't have the answer or a cure but I try giving myself a good talking to (self cognitive behavioural therapy😂) and try mindfulness techniques to get it out of my mind. Also find if it's something small can be dealt with, the quicker it's sorted the better. 💐

I'm a bit the same, but only when it comes to my car. Until 2-3 years ago, I was a really confident driver. Would go anywhere and everywhere, without a thought.

But in January this year I had a very minor accident on a roundabout. No one else involved, no one hurt, but it RATTLED me massively. It was strange, because back in 2013 I had a very serious car accident, and although I was wobbly for a few weeks after, I got right back "in the saddle" without a thought.

I've since replaced my car, but I'm still a nervous and reluctant driver. Every little noise, every little blip in the road, sends me in a spiral of anxiety. I don't know what the answer is, but I'm trying not to pander to it as much as I can.

No advice OP, but plenty of sympathy.

I'm the same. For me it's absolutely stress causing it - it feels like each minor incident ramps up my stress hormones more and more until I am set off by things that would not generally bother me if I had more time and headspace.

A friend and I both do this. We've discussed and think it's to do with being burnt out and using all our energy to cope with the big things then there's nothing left to cope with the little things. It's the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

@LunaAndHerMoonDragons I would agree with that. Spot on.