To ask how much time you spend with your children over the course of a week?

[Flutterbyshutterby]

I have two dc and changed my job at the start of September. My dc are 8 and 12.
I now work 30 hours a week, 9am - 3pm five days which means I can do school pick up and drop off every day.
I take them to two extracurricular activities each in the week and then ds has football at the weekend and dd has swimming.
I tend to go out with a friend one evening a week for a couple of hours and perhaps once every couple of months I will go out for the day at the weekend, usually to see one of my friends who lives about an hour away and so it’s trickier to see them in the week.
school holidays are tricky because now I work every day I need to take holiday or make arrangements. Over half term I compressed my hours into four days and took two days annual leave so that I was around Monday-Wednesday and then DH was off the whole week anyway. We did something every day, we went to the cinema, to a theme park, out for lunch, to a craft event and saw friends with dc a similar age to my dc.
I am planning on seeing my further away friend next weekend and I’ve just had to listen to my mum go on about how sad it is that I don’t prioritise my children anymore. She doesn’t agree with me working or socialising. Every time she finds I’ve gone out anywhere she makes a disappointed noise and says ‘what about the children?’

Aibu to think they don’t eat a bad deal overall? And they aren’t babies anymore, although I know they still need me.
isn’t this a normal amount of time to be spending with them? Is what I do really do unusual?

It sounds like you have a really good balance and you spend good quality time with your children. You have to fill your cup too so that you can be the best mum to your children! Don’t feel guilty about that mama! Our parents are from a different time and some times don’t understand the choices we have to make.

It sounds like a good balance to me I work part time 3 days a week. On the other days we have lunch and spend the afternoon together. (School finishes at 1pm here). They are old enough to go to various activities alone now. (Youngest is 12).

Oh tell her to fuck off

Does she question if your oh prioritises his children?

Course she doesn’t.

Ignore her.

She's being thick.

Next time she makes plans to do something say
But what about me 😞

I don't spend as much time as I would like with the kids. I'm with them after school every day but work most weekends.
Hoping to change that very soon!

I once worked in a place where "members" would come in randomly to ask questions. Because of the type of organisation, was quite a conservative group, and I use to have people clucking and frowning ALL the time saying ".. and where are your poor children today?".

One day, when it was one comment too many, I answered "I've left them locked in the bathroom with some snacks. They've got fresh water, they'll be fine"

I don't think you have a balance problem, I think you've got a mother problem.

🤣

You are definitely not being unreasonable op. My mum makes similar digs on the odd occasion i make plans to do anything without the kids on the weekend. I tend to ignore it now...

I'd imagine most of the time you are away you are leaving your DC with their perfectly competent other parent? I really don't see an issue. But then I would be truly evil by your Mum's standards as I have always worked full time, and shift work, so often not seen much of my DC for days on end. They seem to have thrived regardless.

4 days a week I see them for 10 minutes in the morning and then about 2 hours in the evening including dinner, bath and bed time (story etc).
1 day a week I do school run which means 2 hours before school and 4 hours after school.
Then all weekend apart from the odd exception of a few hours.

This is term time - I'm a teacher so holidays much more.

Your kids sound fine. Your mum sounds annoying.

Well I only pick up my kid one day a week and only see him in the morning for two days a week. Honestly, it's fine. I don't think mine misses out. He gets to spend time with his dad and has friends to play with in his school clubs.

That sounds completely fine and normal. Most working parents will have a similar setup I would imagine? Ignore ignore ignore!

Sounds fine. I barely talk to mine if I can help it. Because I worked part time for years, they had me around, and thus now barely even tolerate me.

I work 67 hours nightshift one week and if for 6 hours he following week . I see them when I drop them off to school and for a few hours after school before going to work my youngest is 5. But my following week on days of I see them a lot and we do fun things . I also have the odd catch up with friends

*nights of

@Oysterbabe 😂😂

I have a very similar work/family/social life balance to you.

I found when I very briefly worked full time I was only seeing the children for about half an hour-an hour a day in the week and I did curtail my social life as I didn't want to sacrifice the time I did have with my children. Now I am back to part time I see my friends about as much as you. When I was a SAHM I saw my friends all of the time!

TBH I read this and my two thoughts were:

You don't have enough time to yourself
Your DH doesn't seem to do much with the kids

Personally if your employer would allow it, I would work a longer day twice a week, use wraparound and have a full day off so you had some time to yourself - that's my plan when mine start school

I would just stop telling your mum these things.

DD (3) comes to work with me
DS at wraparound 3.5 days a week and dropped by my mum on days he is not.
School holidays both with me full time.

Probably see DS(6) for 2 hours a day Monday - Thursday term time, which is actually pretty upsetting when you think about it. He did have same set up as DD though and was with me until he went to school.

I am a nanny and have always been able to take my children to work with me.

Why should she?

Your mum can fuck off tbh.

I wouldn't tell her that obviously but it sounds like she's just a mum martyr and is envious of your life.

There are certain sorts of people who think that once you become a mother you have to sacrifice yourself at the altar of being "constantly on" for your children and giving up any right to being an autonomous person with your own needs. These tend to be the same sorts of people who believe that the children of working mums will be delinquents and that a woman should derive pleasure in life only from serving their husband and children. Invariably they are bitter and resentful because they have realised that martyring themselves neither improved their lives of that of their children.

It sounds like you have a reasonable work life balance and giving up a job or a social life would achieve nothing except make you more unhappy. Ignore her.