To go out two nights in a row?

[Huntedgathered]

I’m going out tonight - only for a meal with a friend and I will be back about 11, not drunk or anything.
My other friend, who is having a tough time following a relationship breakdown has asked if I will meet her for a drink tomorrow evening - by drink I mean a soft drink! And again I won’t be late.
Dh is not happy about it and saying I have to choose which night I want to go as can’t do both. In the week I do all the bedtimes for the dc and they aren’t super little anymore anyway so it’s not labour intensive for DH really.
aibu to go out tonight and tomorrow night?

Fuck that

Why does he get to dictate when you go out?

Sounds like you need to sort out the work split more anyway

Do it! I went out all day on Thursday and again last night and dh didn’t say a word. Why does he think you should choose just one?! If he has no plans so is available to watch the dc, what difference does it make?

Personally I like my Sunday evenings at home so I’d ask friend if she fancied meeting for lunch

I’m betting DH has had plenty of nights out where the childcare has been done by you?
Why doesn’t he do bedtimes in the week? Does he pull his weight normally and share all the home stuff equally with you?

Meeting for lunch is more disruptive because then we can’t do anything as a family in the day.
If I’m not going out til 8ish the kids are going to bed in the next hour or so anyway.
DH says I should want to spend the time with him. You know. In silence. Watching tv.

Assuming you wouldn’t be leaving your kids unattended, no you would not be unreasonable to go out 2 nights in a row regardless of the reason!

Assuming you wouldn't make a fuss if it was him going out twice then he's being ridiculous.

No, I’d have no issue with DH going in the same way.

Presumably you'll have spent 5 nights this week spending time with him?

Why doesn't he do bedtimes?

Crazy stuff unless there’s a back story where you’re normally out getting plastered all weekend every weekend

It sounds as though this is unusual for you. And it's both weekend nights, when perhaps DH was envisaging pleasant quiet downtime with you - presumablythat is why he is objecting? . But friendships need work in the same way a marriage does. The meal out is planned; the second meeting is 'emergency'. Ask him if he would prefer it if the second friend visited you in your home; you could talk to her privately upstairs or in the kitchen. I don't think he'll like that idea, either, but it wd show both of you whether he wants to limit your friendships, which is a different discussion. Good luck.

No, I rarely ever have a drink and I will be driving anyway. But since having the kids I’ve not had a drink even once and my eldest is 11. I’ve never been very bothered and since the kids am always the driver.
so no, it’s not that.
It’s that I’m spending the time with someone other than him.

That does not sound healthy op.

He sounds like a twat. Of course you're not being unreasonable to go out twice in these circumstances and you know that.

He sounds rather co-dependant. Does he ever go out on his own in the evenings?

He's being a bit of a dick tbh. He'd have a point if you were out every single night but there's nothing wrong with occasionally having multiple social events on one weekend. That's just normal life surely 🤷🏼‍♀️

I assume he drinks

That's just the way it happens sometimes. I don't do anything for months and then I'll have a busy flurry of things. Sometimes over one weekend and sometimes over multiple weekends. It's perfectly reasonable so don't let your dh dictate what you do.

You should go out.
Both nights.
He's a bit controlling I think if he says you shouldn't.
It's not as if it's a regular occurrence - every weekend he's left minding the children as you party.