To find my manager so patronising and difficult?

[76544j]

I recently got a new manager at work, they are very senior to me (they were my old manager's manager). I find them so patronising and difficult to work with.

If I ever do something wrong, they won't just quickly tell me but will go on a long, patronising rant about it. For example, I started doing a piece of work on a spreadsheet but haven't been told much about its deadlines. I've tried to find timelines but have seen different versions with conflicting details, and I've chased people up and joined the meetings but still haven't got a clear idea of what my work is going to be beyond the immediate next few days.

It's a pattern where there will be something small like 'oh can you remind people when you're off' that will end up being a long rant at me, or a long email to me. The smallest things are made into such a big deal. Another example is as I am new to the project, I gave the Excel sheet a title similar to how I used to on another similar project, instead of just correcting me I got a long message about it, followed by the same points sent in an email to me with my whole department copied in, followed by it being mentioned again in a call to me. It was just a title, and now I know the proper procedure I'll do it properly the next time.

Another example is I have some holiday coming up in a few weeks which I've requested properly and had approval for, and it's on our team's list of everyone's holiday dates so everyone can see it. It turns out one of the big deadlines for my task is during my holiday, and my manager went on a long rant to me in front of all my colleagues about it, saying I need to be more proactive about telling people, and I can't expect others to pick up my whilst I'm off, and I need to speak up more and tell them when I'm going to be on holiday.

1. The holiday was approved through the official channels, and those responsible for setting the deadlines will have seen when I'm on holiday
2. Nobody tells me when anything is due so I'm never given the option to see in advance when deadlines are, and nobody asks for my input on setting deadlines/checking I'm available (unlike on other projects I've worked on at my previous company), I'm left trying to figure it all out myself and chasing up different people and not getting consistent answers
3. I don't know why he had to say all of this in a meeting with my colleagues. I felt like I was at school getting told off and felt like I could have cried, he just went on and on
4. If he had let me get a word in, I would have said a quick 'sure, I'll send a reminder email', instead of using it as a way to say I'm not being proactive and insinuating I'm not good at communicating to the team

I've ended up ranting, but IABU? I want to ask my manager (!) to move me onto a different project as I'll then get reassigned a new manager, but I'm not sure if it's possible/how to ask as on paper this project aligns with my experience and interest

The rants you describe I'd call bullying. Especially as in front of others as you have noted.

Do you have a grievance procedure? I would consider putting in a complaint. It may escalate him but I was bullied at work, and when the ringleader saw me talking to my union rep, it all magically disappeared.

Yes definite bullying, call him out next time, in front of everyone, just ask if he thinks his behaviour is reasonable and professional.
Re the emails, reply all asking why it's necessary to copy in the world and his wife over something that could easily be discussed face to face. I bet he shits himself and backs down.

I had someone like this in my last role and Christ I despised him! I found the only way to deal with him was to send him emails asking for clarification after every call. It was a pain yhe the ass but it meant I had evidence he hadn’t given me the correct information. For example, we have a group teams meeting discussing a project, after the meeting I follow up with an email stating following on from our teams meeting please can I get clarifications on the below X Y & Z.

Once holidays are booked going forward send a diary invite to your immediate line managers, do you have a teams calendar for holidays? If not suggest creating one,

The only way to survive is be as proactive as possible with ensuring they have nothing to pull you on. It’s grim but eventually you’ll find a groove with them.

Yeah, the holidays are approved as follows:

• I check other colleagues I work with closely aren't off on the days I want
• I then informally ask my manager
• I then send a request to my entire department and ask if there are conflicts or issues with taking those days off, at which point the team should be checking for conflicting deadlines and making a note of my holidays so timings for projects are adjusted as and when needed
• I then get approval from the project leads
• I then put the request in formally to HR
• Finally, I add them to the Teams calendars so the entire department has them on their calendar
• Usually a week before I'll mention it in a meeting 'oh by the way I'm off next week'

Yet I've still somehow not been communicating enough that I have time off in two weeks time that conflicts with a deadline I wasn't even told about?

I really can't call this person out. That are head of the department, as well as being my manager. I'm junior.

I also really can't accept him as a bully as he's very overly friendly/jolly if that makes sense. I think most people find him likeable, it's like they can't see through it all. He makes us to icebreakers every week in our meetings. Every. single. week. He asks awkward questions and puts people on the spot in meetings all the time, like today he went around everyone in the meeting to ask what our favourite film was. Just completely out of the blue and random. People seem to like him

Whether anyone else likes him is not the point. You don't like him, so start looking for another job and in the meantime just cover your backside with lots of follow-up confirmation emails of discussions, etc. etc.

He is totally a bully. The w

..posted too soon. The whole fake nice over friendly thing is just a cover up. He's massively controlling..in my experience this doesn't get any better. Yes you could call it out but its very difficult. Also these type of people are very clever in how they bully so it can be very hard to prove that something was bullying and not just them being thorough etc. I guarantee other people don't like him..just going along with him.

That holiday thing rings alarms bells. I had a manager like that. On the day before I was due to go on holiday, he'd start talking about what I'd be doing at work over the next few days. Then when I reminded him I was off, he'd act like I hadn't told him (even though he'd signed it off!) It was a way of making me feel anxious he might cancel the holiday.