Is this controlling behaviour?

[nobabiesyet]

I called my husband controlling over an argument last night. He is very upset by it. I would like to know whether other people think I was wrong, and whether his behaviour was usual, or if in fact, it was a bit controlling.

We were watching TV, and looking to start a new series. Most of what I suggested were crime series, and fair enough he said he'd had enough of crime. He put something on to try - without discussion of the detail of it which was fine. It started very slowly. (I don't know the name of it) I admit I was scrolling on my phone, ( I admit I wish I had not) but it was a very slow start, and I think I did roll my eyes. So, it had only been going 15 minutes and he just switches it off - after my eye roll. Goes to get a book to read. Will not allow any discussion. I ask him to please put it back on. I'd like to give it a go. He point blank refuses. I said I think this is controlling behaviour.
I wish i had not rolled my eyes, but I feel I was treated like a 5 year old. I think he should have asked me if I wanted to continue. He thinks I've been unfair, I still think it was controlling.
I don;t want to upset him, but why should I lie about how it made me feel. So I thought I'd ask your advice. He has done this at least once before. So was I being unreasonable expecting to have a discussion about it before it was switched off, or was I in the wrong?

thank you ghosty. I think that's why I was shocked he switched it off and refused to engage.
However, from the other comments I accept I was in the wrong. My eye roll was out of order.

The whole thing just sounds very childish, on both sides. You are both as bad as each other.

I wouldn't want to carry on watching with you either - eye rolling/on your phone. Annoying and pretty disrespectful actually.

Yes it was childish. I'll try and get the thread pulled. Thanks everyone.

Sorry, should have read the thread. Good for you OP X

Gotta be honest your last response on the “flying off the handle” was exasperating. I do think he was exasperated with your behaviour and he reacted.

He had a reaction to bad behaviour. Where you aware of what you were doing and how annoying it could be to most people?

A day later and you are still trying to find fault. To what end?

I don't know how to remove this thread. If admin see please take it down. I've accepted the feedback that I was in the wrong. And I have things to reflect on. Thanks all. Bit surprising to me, but I will think on. And amend my disrespect to see if that amends things.

OP has realised she was in the wrong and is going to say sorry. Why so many nasty comments on here 🤮

To what end?

Because my husband was still upset. He wanted an apology. I didnt think I had done that much wrong, so I posted. I have received 99% that I am an awful disrespectful person. I will apologise. I just wanted feedback to see what others reaction was. I have had it. Thank you.

Just want the thread to go now thank you all.

If you had wanted to watch it you would have been watching it, not playing on your phone and eye rolling. Are you an adult? You seem to have a very skewed take on this and want your husband to be a bad guy. It might be you that is emotionally abusive given what you have written.

I think you made it very clear you weren’t interested in watching it, so why would he waste his time?
You both sound childish. Why didn’t you sit and watch it properly and if it was slow, then say that to him. Yes, he could have had a discussion, but it’s hardly controlling to just not bother watching something you didn’t really want to watch.

The unwritten rules of dh’s and my tv viewing are:

We generally take turns choosing the series or films (more or less).
We always give the first episode a go and then decide to carry on or not.
No devices, no scrolling.

Rolling your eyes when really you wanted to continue to watch is sending frustrating mixed messages.

You need to be really clear about what you want.

What I'd really like - is this thread to be deleted. but I've asked mumsnet and they've said no. So there we are..

Yes, I really regret eye rolling. I have received that message loud and clear.

Don't fret about it, we've all done it.

Why is nobody asking the obvious question... What was the show?? I'd like to know so i can avoid it!

And don't worry, op. Silly arguments happen sometimes.

FGS Can he not watch it on his own? This kind of childish strop would really annoy me. If you want to piss about on your phone while it is on, why is this an issue? I would be telling him to watch or not watch but yes it is controlling to sulk because you were not watching.

OP, if he has habit of over reacting to things then you may have a problem.
Is he prone to strops?
Tedious if he is.

Rolling your eyes is rude.....I have done it a few times while in the kitchen looking out the window, thinking I couldn't be seen, but was because it was dark and the blind wasn't pulled🤭🙄.

In future, don't get caught!😁

I'm not sure why he can't watch a TV show without you joining in - seems odd that two adults have to sit and watch TV together with the same level of interest - wouldn;t bother me if I was watching something and the other person wasn't

because they were doing it together, I can understand the dh's reaction. Me and a friend were watching a film and she sat playing with her phone the entire time. It really pissed me off. It's rude.

I agree with you.

It's no one's business if I want to half watch a film and my phone at the same time.

Wouldn't tolerate anyone telling me otherwise either.

Certainly wouldn't occur to me to comment on someone doing it either.