Is it acceptable to avoid everyone until I'm not pregnant anymore because everyone keeps calling me fat?

[gonewithtthewind]

I've ballooned this pregnancy, I have pre eclampsia so I'm also very very swollen at the moment. I know I've gained weight; I know I have a big bump, I know I'm fat. But I don't need people to tell me that.

I'm talking in laws, parents, grandparents EVERYONE. if they aren't commenting on how big my bump is and that it's too big for how far I am, they're telling me how much bigger I've got, how much weight I've gained, telling me I've gained too much. Or they're laughing about how big I am, or how big my bump is or commenting about how I won't be able to fit into XYZ.

Is it acceptable to just avoid these people? I honestly don't even want to leave the house anymore because I feel so disgusting and fat and ugly. I don't want anyone to see me, not until after the baby is here and I'm hopefully thinner again 🙁

Probs just ranting but I'd happily not leave the house for the next 3 months if I could

What absolutely shit family members they are. Well shit humans let alone ‘family’

In your shoes I’d definitely make a point of avoiding them for the rest of your pregnancy and make it clear why if they ask.

Don’t let their nasty comments get to you, you’re growing a human being and suffering with some pretty bad effects of that, you’re doing great - remember that

Is it acceptable to just avoid these people?

Of course it is. But it’s even easier to tell them “you’re making me feel shit!”

They sound awful.
Don’t become some recluse of course - get out of the house! But avoid these terrible people for sure… maybe also after the baby is born?

Call them out if that doesn't work tell them to f off. Hope you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy 💐

Is no one actually worried about you? Fuck what an ignorant lot!

Nope. Nobody checking in on me ever, nobody comes to see me. A lot of people have shown their true colours during my pregnancy

I wouldn't want to see any of them either and if they ask why, tell them you're upset about constant comments from people every time you see them so would rather me on your own. They should be concerned about you, not saying you're fat.

Perfectly acceptable to avoid them and to be honest I'd be tempted to carry on avoiding them after the baby arrives. What a bunch of shits.

I'm 9 months pregnant and what I have learnt is that in the kindest way, people are stupid.

I haven't had any major comments about my bump other than how small it is (diabetes and severe morning sickness for 5 months is better than slimming world it turns out) but that's not very reassuring when you're worrying about baby getting enough.

Oh and of course the need to tell you all the birth horror stories about the friend of a friend of a friend who gave birth in a taxi at the side of the road etc.

People just don't think. I feel very lucky my dh is great at shutting the conversation down and changing topic when he's there but I find that harder to do without feeling rude. So I feel you. You are not disgusting or ugly, your body is pushing itself to its limits to create something wonderful and that makes you incredible. You can absolutely avoid anyone you don't want to see. I hope everything goes well for you op.

I feel you op, went to visit my parents last night and first thing my mum said was "look how huge you are now"! Then calling my dad through so he could also look at how massive I am (he was less rude than my mum and said nothing). I'm only 6 months gone and it just makes me want to wear huge jumpers and cover up as much as I can for the next 3 months. I would never think of saying to someone that they looked huge

I'm talking in laws, parents, grandparents EVERYONE. if they aren't commenting on how big my bump is and that it's too big for how far I am, they're telling me how much bigger I've got, how much weight I've gained, telling me I've gained too much. Or they're laughing about how big I am, or how big my bump is or commenting about how I won't be able to fit into XYZ.
What would happen if you said "shut up. I don't want to hear any more bullying remarks from you" ?

Is it acceptable to just avoid these people? I honestly don't even want to leave the house anymore because I feel so disgusting and fat and ugly. I don't want anyone to see me, not until after the baby is here and I'm hopefully thinner again 🙁
Of course it is, & you may decide that avoidance is the only way forward, but it's very harsh on you when it seems to be every family member.
Suppose you have your baby, your body returns to normal - would your family just find something else to bully you about?
So unless you want to avoid your wntire family forever (it happens ...) why not see what happens when you challenge their remarks? Say something like "STFU" as above - & if they push back, or refuse to stop, or fall into the standard blame game bullshit of "you're too sensitive/it was just a joke/we didn't mean it like that/only telling it how it is" ... stay calm, pick your bag up, & leave.
You may have to repeat the performance a few times, but eventually some of them might get it. "It" being - there are consequences when we bully OP, & OP will not tolerate it.

Probs just ranting but I'd happily not leave the house for the next 3 months if I could
This is so unfair on you. You are pregnant FFS, not an object to be commented on. You are NOT disgusting. You are cooking an entire new human inside you. You are amazing. Your relatives do not deserve you.

I hope you start standing up for yourself. It will be good practice for before the baby is born, & they all start telling you you are doing mothering all wrong ...

Oh OP.

Plenty of women with shit relatives make perfectly lovely, supportive new families from their DC & close friends. You have no need to see these people ever again if you don't wish to. But if you DO wish to - don't be afraid to give them both barrels if they fucking dare comment on your body again.

Do you have a partner, & where is s/he in all of this? Are they supportive? Or do they allow the inlaws to get away with bullying you?

Are you being checked regularly for your pre.eclampsia? Sudden swelling is a serious sign and it can be a dangerous condition

When I had it and suddenly swelled 1½ stone in weight in 7 days they had me on bedrest and only allowed out for my 3-5 midwife appointments each week

Yanbu, that's bloody awful that they are making you feel worse! You don't need to hibernate, just avoid them only. Some people really have no filter.

Yanbu. I had to tell my mums NDN to fuck off and stop being so rude because he kept repeatedly calling me fatso and tubs when I was pregnant. Not sure what goes through their minds 🤔

Ugh, bloody bastards. You're not disgusting, ugly or fat! You're growing a human being and you're doing brilliantly. Your body changes to grow your baby, you can't control how that happens or looks and it doesn't matter whatsoever.

I would absolutely avoid people that make you feel like shit. Don't give them the time of day. Don't isolate yourself inside though, it'll probably make you feel worse.

This is where you need to use your voice and speak up. I have horrendous water retention each pregnancy, never had pre eclampsia but I do get post eclampsia. I look like a balloon filled with water, even my nose grows and my feel will eventually only fit into flip flops but noone remarks other than to commiserate with me. If anyone dared I'd let them know I was hurt, angry pissed off and that would shut them right up. Your family are rude it's about time you told them so.

Wow, they sound lovely.

Completely acceptable to avoid them. Why would you spend time with people who make you feel like shit?

Yes avoid them if you can until you feel more comfortable around them.
I was in the same position and always had family commenting on my pregnancy weight so understand how you are feeling. I would never comment the way they do. It's so rude and very hurtful

Avoid them and enjoy the peace and quiet. I wouldn’t want these toxic people around me or my child.

Tell them to fuck off with their cruel, disrespectful comments
Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy away from their toxicity

Tell them they are being horrible and you don’t need them in your life at the moment.

I feel you, I had very late onset pre eclampsia but I was carrying a huge baby anyway! I was massive and then gained 2 stone in water in 3 days before I had my DD. I hid my pregnancy from 90% of people by just not seeing them.
(Personal choice as I didn’t want to see them haha)

also- your not fat and ugly. You’re carrying a baby, growing a human and dealing with a major medical condition, give yourself some slack and some self love. Ignore them and re think the relationships with them all after baby is here. They should be supportive not commenting ❤️

Hi OP, sorry these people are making you feel crap. 💐

They should be taking care of you and helping you through what sounds like a difficult time, and their comments are horrible and completely out of order.

Your body is growing another human! It’s not exactly surprising that you got a bit bigger is it? Don’t they know that’s what happens? What amazing things have they done lately?

I’m sure you look lovely and are doing brilliantly!

If you don’t feel up to telling them off directly, you’d be perfectly reasonable to avoid them for as long as you want to. Possibly forever.